4 things God wants you to remember when life is hard

We've all had them — those days (or years) when nothing works out.

We've all had days (and maybe even years) when life just doesn't seem to be going our way!I've had long seasons of life where I felt like nothing was working and everything was out of whack, and I've had frustrating days where I just can't seem to get anything accomplished. This morning was one of those times…I was getting all three of our boys ready for school which is a massive undertaking and makes me respect my wife even more because she is normally the one doing it! Amidst the screaming infant and complaining grade-schoolers, there was a mess in the kitchen, a dirty diaper on the floor, toothpaste on the sink and stress in the air. When we FINALLY got out the door, Connor had forgotten something and had to run back in. The door was open just long enough for (I'm not making this up) a bird to fly in the house.Now, I've got to figure out a way to get the bird out of the house and all the kids loaded up as fast as I can. I eventually got the bird out (unharmed) and the kids loaded and just before I pulled out onto the main road, a garbage truck cut me off and started driving about five miles per hour and stopping at every other house. I wasn't sure whether to scream or laugh at the irony of it.In the grand scheme of things, a stressful morning doesn't impact life or eternity all that much, but in those longer seasons of joblessness, sickness, financial stress, marriage strain and other ongoing life events, the stress and frustration can seem overwhelming. Below are four things I've learned to remember in those challenging seasons of life that have helped me and I pray they help you as well!Struggles in life are inevitable, but destruction is optional. Remembering these four principles can make all the difference.

• 1. Remember that your Character should always be stronger than your Circumstances

We can't always control what happens to us, but we can always control how we choose to respond. In those moments when I choose to stop complaining and instead give thanks to God for the good in my life, the parts that seem bad start to seem much less significant. Choose to keep a positive attitude and thankful heart regardless of what you're going through.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

• 2. Remember that your Struggles always lead to Strength

Every difficulty in your life, whether big or small, is something God will use to produce more strength, faith and perseverance in you if you let Him! All your pain has a purpose.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

• 3. Remember that God's timing is always perfect

God's plans are almost always different from our plans, but His plans are always perfect! Have the patience to wait on His timing instead of forcing your own.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

• 4. Remember that God will never leave your side

You may feel like you're going through this struggle all alone, but from the moment you ask Jesus to bring you into God's family, He will be by your side to the end so never lose hope!

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

5 things I wish I'd known before I got Married

Let's just say I had no idea what I was getting into.

When my wife and I walked down the aisle several years ago, we had no idea what we were getting into! We were young and clueless, but we were in love and we figured that our enthusiasm and optimism would be enough to get us through the challenges of life. We soon learned that we were very unprepared!

Don't get me wrong, my wife and i have an amazing marriage, but we've also had to learn a lot of lessons the hard way. 

As I reflect back on the journey up to this point, I wish that I could climb in a time machine and tell myself some important lessons on my wedding day. Since I don't have a time machine, I'm hoping that other folks will be able to learn from my mistakes and put these principles into practice from the very beginning of their marriage.

Below are 5 truths I wish I'd known before we got married.

1. You need a financial plan

In the beginning, we didn't have any money, so we naively assumed that we didn't have a need for a plan for our money. Our lack of financial sense and discipline causes us to dig ourselves into a hole of debt in those early years and it created years of unnecessary stress as we dug our way back out. Start out with a plan.

2. You need to communicate about everything

When you go from being single to being married, it's easy to forget that now, your time, your money and your decisions all impact someone else. A lack of communication in those early days caused some hurt feelings and unnecessary strain. We've learned there's no such thing as too much communication in marriage.

3. You need a strong community around you

When we were starting out, we thought that all we needed was each other. It's a sweet thought, but it's completely impractical. We discovered the truth that we needed a community of faithful friends, wise mentors and the support of healthy church family. Now we are very intentional about seeking out and investing into these relationships.

4. You can't change each other

You each are going to have some quirks and habits that your spouse isn't going to understand, but there's no need to attempt to change each other. You'll both end up frustrated if you try! Celebrate your differences. Marriage is about loving your spouse; not changing your spouse.

5. You should have fun!

This is one we did pretty well even from the beginning. Fun usually doesn't happen by accident. You need to be intentional about making the most out of every moment God has given you. Make it your mission to fill your home and your marriage with love and laughter.

5 signs you need to say 'no' to that Surprise Proposal

By Georgia

A proposal can be the surprise of a lifetime, but how do you know if you should say “no?”

A proposal can be the surprise of a lifetime. Whether it's an intimate candle lit question, an extra-special holiday gift, or a grand family affair, a proposal can be a dream come true; or the beginning of a marital nightmare. If you can smell marriage in the air, or see the white dress and veil coming in the distance, the satisfaction of the tender experience may bring a smile to your face.

But when this magical moment seems to spring up out of nowhere, it may knock your socks off or knock you off balance. So before you make the arrangements, send the invitations or even hesitate at that all important "I do," here are 5 reasons why you should say "no" when he proposes.

• 1. The proposal is a way to prevent an exit

"Don't leave! Marry me, instead." If the surprise proposal comes directly after you've decided to call it quits, be suspicious of the promise of eternal commitment upon your return. There's no guarantee the marriage will even take place, let alone you two will have a harmonious union. Likewise, if the proposal is a seeming response to the threat of being left, make sure you put ample time between deciding to stay and saying yes.

• 2. It is merely a matter of convenience. 'I've settled on you.'

If there's been no real investment in the relationship so far, there's a good chance a proposal is making the statement "Let's keep things going," instead of "You're the only one for me." Before you think about setting a date, make sure neither of you is settling for less than you really deserve.

• 3. I need you... and your pay check

If you're tempted to walk down the aisle because neither of you are sure if you can make it financially on your own, take a step back. Two incomes are certainly easier than one, but that's no reason to cheat yourself out of finding "the one." There are economic benefits to marriage, but it shouldn't lead the way to engagement.

• 4. A proposal can't fix a broken relationship

Belt out a big old "No!" if he pops the question once your relationship is already going downhill. An engagement will not save it; only hard work, an honest look at the problems, and perhaps professional help will save a dying relationship. A wedding will only make things worse.

• 5. 'I promise I'll change.' The proposal is a distraction from recent mistakes

If your mate makes a marital move after being caught or fessing up to being unfaithful or betraying you in another nasty way, keep engagement on the back burner until all of your issues have been worked out. If you decide to stay, definitely seek relationship counselling and make sure appropriate responsibility is taken for bad behaviour. Don't let the glare of a diamond blind you to who you are about to marry. Put the question and jewellery back in the box and bring out all the secrets being kept in the closet.

When it comes to promises to commit, it's important to understand the motivation and intent of your mate. Find out not just why he or she wants to get married, but why he wants to marry — you. If your relationship has a history of issues, put in the time and work and create a new history first, then get engaged.

5 Bad Mistakes Some Christians Make While Dating

Here are five bad mistakes Christians can make while dating.

Going Too Fast

Sometimes in my eagerness in dating, I’d move too fast. I’d start talking about a future together before we even had much time spent together. It takes time to get to know a person before thinking “she’s the one!” or “he’s the one!” Being single is a very lonely and hard place to be. People say the cruelest things, such as “why aren’t you married ye?” or “how come you’re still single,” not realizing how hurtful those words can be. Don’t be pushed into a dating relationship just because you’re lonely. Some of the loneliest people I know are married to a spouse that either they are not loved by or don’t love. This is a very hard place to be. Better to be single and lonely for a time than married for life to someone with whom you don’t want to spend the rest of your life.

Acting Too Needy

This is close to trying to make someone complete you. In other words, if we think “everything will be fine once I’m married and I change this or that,” we first need to be right with God. To find the right person, we must be the right person. It’s so easy to believe that once you’re married you can overcome your addiction to pornography, shopping, money, drugs or alcohol. People don’t change us. Our spouse can’t change us. Only God can change us (Prov. 21:1). Finding the right person is only good if they’ve found the right person in you!

Talking About the Last Person

If you are dating, by all means don’t bring up the person you used to date and fling that out in front of them, along with all of their shortcomings. If you’re married, then the last thing you want to do is keep bringing up your ex. That’s a complete turnoff to the person you’re dating. They might feel like you’re comparison shopping and comparing them to your last spouse or person you dated. Check the baggage at the airline counter; no carry-on luggage allowed.

Not Being Yourself

Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Be authentic. Be genuine. If you pretend to be someone else and they find out you’re not who they thought you were, you’ve likely lost them and they’ won’t be able to trust you anymore. If you’ve lost their trust, you’ve probably blown any chance in dating them. It’s okay to admit your shortcomings and faults. I think transparency is a strength. Even James said that we should confess our faults to one another (James 5:16). I don’t mean confess every single sin you’ve ever committed, but just be honest and upfront with them and say that you’re still a work in progress, just like the rest of us.

Compromising Your Faith

If you drink to excess and then have to drive with your date, you are sending a strong signal that you don’t care about them since you’re putting them at risk. You are also sinning before them. This includes dealing in illicit drugs or even abusing legal prescription drugs. If you compromise your values as a Christian, they will know that you’re not the right person for them. This also includes watching pornographic movies or those with excessive violence. If you are doing these things, you are not ready to date anyone. You need to repent and turn away from these things and to examine yourself to see if you’re truly in the faith.

Conclusion

The biggest mistake of all is for a Christian to be dating a non-Christian. Not only is this a bad idea, the Bible commands us to not be unequally yoked (or joined) together with non-believers. This is like mixing water with oil. The Bible commands us, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols” (2 Cor. 6:14-16). Of course, there should be absolutely no premarital sex (fornication) or “petting” at all (lusting in the heart). God will not honor such a relationship as this. Don’t make these very serious mistakes and God may grant you a godly husband or wife. That is my prayer for those of you who are single.

May God richly bless you,

A Wife’s 3 Greatest Needs

Wives, just like husbands, have many needs, but what are three of the greatest needs that a wife has?

Your Love

I believe that we all need love and to give love, but love might be the greatest need of all for her, next to her relationship with Christ. Telling your wife verbally that you love her is important, but showing it by your actions is more important. Love is not just in word but in deed, as the Apostle John wrote, “…let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18). Love is a verb more than a feeling. Love is proactive. Jesus didn’t depend on His feelings to make Him go to the cross. He did it because He knew it was our only way to be saved. Show your wife you love her by sending her a card in the mail, by bringing her flowers, taking her out to dinner, scheduling a “bed and breakfast” weekend, taking out the trash, or whatever else you see that you can do to help her and show your love for her. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25).

Your Attention

I am so guilty of this. My wife says something and my body language acknowledges it, but it doesn’t sink in. Shame on me. Instead of burying myself in thought, the paper, or even the Bible, I need to look my wife straight in the eyes and give her my full attention. She might not want me to solve whatever she is talking about, but she does want me to listen. It is so disrespectful when someone says something to you and you don’t even acknowledge what they said by words or by nodding your head. Men, are you really listening to your wife? Could you repeat the last sentence she said? Drop whatever it is you had going on, including the remote if necessary, and stop, look, and listen. She deserves your attention, don’t you think?

Your Faithfulness

Surely, we husbands need to remain faithful to our wives. That is clearly commanded in Scripture. By remaining faithful to her, I mean not only avoiding adultery and pornography but avoiding commenting about other husband’s wives or looking at other women with lust. Men can so easily commit adultery of the heart. It’s like we’re hardwired that way, but we are supposed to be new creations in Christ, as Paul wrote, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Cor. 5:17). When we are born again, we are given a new nature, as Ezekiel wrote, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you” (Ezek. 36:26a), and as such, we were “buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life” (Rom. 6:4).

Conclusion

Obviously, there are a lot more than three things a wife needs that are not listed here, but surely we recognize that we need to love our wives as Christ loved the church. That means a life-sacrificing life of serving her. We need to give her our full attention when she is talking, and we need to be ever faithful to our bride, for she is a gift of God. We should treat her as such.