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| Couples argue in the street. |
So
you married your complete opposite, your relationship is stressful and the two
of you can’t even agree on what to have for dinner. Does this mean that for the
rest of your life, you are subject to the painful battle of fighting over your
way vs. his/her way unless one of you gives in?
No!
There is no need to argue over who does what which way. And most importantly,
neither of you need to change who you are.
You’re
about to learn the single most important marriage saving tip that can
drastically lower your stress with your spouse. If you understand what you and
your spouse value in life, you can cut your relationship stress in half! (Like
I did with MY wife!) It’s true.
I
developed this marriage saving tip after using it to transform my OWN marriage.
My 7-year marriage is PROOF that this marriage saving tip can work for YOUR
marriage!
Okay,
let’s get started.
The
first thing you need to do is talk with your spouse about the things you
passionately believe in or feel strongly against.
You
can start by discussing the little things in life that bug you (and no, I’m NOT
talking about your spouse!)
Let
me give you an example.
My
wife absolutely HATES gum chewing. Now I’m not talking about people who
silently chew their gum with their mouths closed, I’m talking about people who,
when they pop a piece of gum in their mouth, EVERYONE knows it.
They
pop their gum, smack and chew with their mouths wide open. Yes, I know it
sounds trivial, but it absolutely drives her NUTS.
Now,
if I didn’t know WHY this little pet peeve of hers drives her ‘up the wall’, I
would simply think she’s crazy. I might even start becoming annoyed and
aggravated whenever she starts to verbally attack the nearest irritating gum
chewer.
Now
here’s the part of this marriage saving tip that most people are not aware of,
EVERY
one of your pet peeves, habits or BELIEFS are created by a memory or event from
the past.
Take
my wife for example.
The
reason she despises people who pop and crack their gum is because HER MOTHER
would do it without any regard for her feelings throughout her ENTIRE
childhood.
My
wife hated it THEN and she still hates gum chewing TODAY. It simply brings back
too many painful memories. To her, a gum chewer might as well be scratching
nails on a chalkboard or screeching a fork against a plate.
The
main idea you should walk away with from this marriage saving tip is that you
need to discuss with your spouse WHY you do things a certain way, WHY you hate
certain things and WHY you love other things.
NOTE:
Be sure to talk about the ‘problem areas’ in your marriage. That IS the point
of this discussion after all. Give your spouse your perspective on ‘hot topics’
in your marriage which could be anything from punctuality, family values,
religion, eating habits or even personal privacy.
Ask
your spouse questions and have them do the same.
Ask
questions like
1.
Honey, when you were young, did your mother or father have a problem being on
time?
2.
What happened in your childhood that makes you hate clutter and messes so much?
WARNING:
Don’t make this sound like an accusation! If you do, your positive discussion
will be over!
When
you ask your spouse these questions, s/he will probably struggle for words or
not come up with an immediate explanation for WHY he or she does these things.
And
that’s okay.
Try
to jog his/her memory by recalling your own memories about this subject.
For
example:
The
reason I __ (fill in the blank) __ is because my parents __ (fill in the blank)
____ when I was a child.
Remember:
You and your spouse were shown how to live by your parents or guardians. They
shaped most of what you value and believe in today.
The
point of this discussion is to understand WHY the two of you disagree on any
given topic.
This
will help the two of you accept each other because you’ll no longer feel
threatened by your very different values in life.
So
there you have it.
Use
this marriage saving tip to get to the source of your problems instead of
focusing on the ‘little issues’ (like gum chewing).
If
you don’t know which values are causing conflict in your marriage, you’ll never
be able to truly resolve your disagreements.
When
I finally understood WHY my wife’s values were so different from my own, the
stress in my marriage was DRASTICALLY reduced. I know you’ll find the same to
be true when you put this marriage saving tip to use in your own marriage.
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