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Wednesday, 23 September 2015

5 signs you need to say 'no' to that Surprise Proposal

By Georgia

A proposal can be the surprise of a lifetime, but how do you know if you should say “no?”
A proposal can be the surprise of a lifetime. Whether it's an intimate candle lit question, an extra-special holiday gift, or a grand family affair, a proposal can be a dream come true; or the beginning of a marital nightmare. If you can smell marriage in the air, or see the white dress and veil coming in the distance, the satisfaction of the tender experience may bring a smile to your face.
But when this magical moment seems to spring up out of nowhere, it may knock your socks off or knock you off balance. So before you make the arrangements, send the invitations or even hesitate at that all important "I do," here are 5 reasons why you should say "no" when he proposes.
  • 1. The proposal is a way to prevent an exit
"Don't leave! Marry me, instead." If the surprise proposal comes directly after you've decided to call it quits, be suspicious of the promise of eternal commitment upon your return. There's no guarantee the marriage will even take place, let alone you two will have a harmonious union. Likewise, if the proposal is a seeming response to the threat of being left, make sure you put ample time between deciding to stay and saying yes.
  • 2. It is merely a matter of convenience. 'I've settled on you.'
If there's been no real investment in the relationship so far, there's a good chance a proposal is making the statement "Let's keep things going," instead of "You're the only one for me." Before you think about setting a date, make sure neither of you is settling for less than you really deserve.
  • 3. I need you... and your pay check
If you're tempted to walk down the aisle because neither of you are sure if you can make it financially on your own, take a step back. Two incomes are certainly easier than one, but that's no reason to cheat yourself out of finding "the one." There are economic benefits to marriage, but it shouldn't lead the way to engagement.
  • 4. A proposal can't fix a broken relationship
Belt out a big old "No!" if he pops the question once your relationship is already going downhill. An engagement will not save it; only hard work, an honest look at the problems, and perhaps professional help will save a dying relationship. A wedding will only make things worse.
  • 5. 'I promise I'll change.' The proposal is a distraction from recent mistakes
If your mate makes a marital move after being caught or fessing up to being unfaithful or betraying you in another nasty way, keep engagement on the back burner until all of your issues have been worked out. If you decide to stay, definitely seek relationship counselling and make sure appropriate responsibility is taken for bad behaviour. Don't let the glare of a diamond blind you to who you are about to marry. Put the question and jewellery back in the box and bring out all the secrets being kept in the closet.

When it comes to promises to commit, it's important to understand the motivation and intent of your mate. Find out not just why he or she wants to get married, but why he wants to marry — you. If your relationship has a history of issues, put in the time and work and create a new history first, then get engaged.

Thursday, 17 September 2015

5 Bad Mistakes Some Christians Make While Dating

Here are five bad mistakes Christians can make while dating.


Going Too Fast

Sometimes in my eagerness in dating, I’d move too fast. I’d start talking about a future together before we even had much time spent together. It takes time to get to know a person before thinking “she’s the one!” or “he’s the one!” Being single is a very lonely and hard place to be. People say the cruelest things, such as “why aren’t you married ye?” or “how come you’re still single,” not realizing how hurtful those words can be. Don’t be pushed into a dating relationship just because you’re lonely. Some of the loneliest people I know are married to a spouse that either they are not loved by or don’t love. This is a very hard place to be. Better to be single and lonely for a time than married for life to someone with whom you don’t want to spend the rest of your life.

Acting Too Needy


This is close to trying to make someone complete you. In other words, if we think “everything will be fine once I’m married and I change this or that,” we first need to be right with God. To find the right person, we must be the right person. It’s so easy to believe that once you’re married you can overcome your addiction to pornography, shopping, money, drugs or alcohol. People don’t change us. Our spouse can’t change us. Only God can change us (Prov. 21:1). Finding the right person is only good if they’ve found the right person in you!

Talking About the Last Person

If you are dating, by all means don’t bring up the person you used to date and fling that out in front of them, along with all of their shortcomings. If you’re married, then the last thing you want to do is keep bringing up your ex. That’s a complete turnoff to the person you’re dating. They might feel like you’re comparison shopping and comparing them to your last spouse or person you dated. Check the baggage at the airline counter; no carry-on luggage allowed.

Not Being Yourself

Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Be authentic. Be genuine. If you pretend to be someone else and they find out you’re not who they thought you were, you’ve likely lost them and they’ won’t be able to trust you anymore. If you’ve lost their trust, you’ve probably blown any chance in dating them. It’s okay to admit your shortcomings and faults. I think transparency is a strength. Even James said that we should confess our faults to one another (James 5:16). I don’t mean confess every single sin you’ve ever committed, but just be honest and upfront with them and say that you’re still a work in progress, just like the rest of us.

Compromising Your Faith

If you drink to excess and then have to drive with your date, you are sending a strong signal that you don’t care about them since you’re putting them at risk. You are also sinning before them. This includes dealing in illicit drugs or even abusing legal prescription drugs. If you compromise your values as a Christian, they will know that you’re not the right person for them. This also includes watching pornographic movies or those with excessive violence. If you are doing these things, you are not ready to date anyone. You need to repent and turn away from these things and to examine yourself to see if you’re truly in the faith.

Conclusion

The biggest mistake of all is for a Christian to be dating a non-Christian. Not only is this a bad idea, the Bible commands us to not be unequally yoked (or joined) together with non-believers. This is like mixing water with oil. The Bible commands us, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols” (2 Cor. 6:14-16). Of course, there should be absolutely no premarital sex (fornication) or “petting” at all (lusting in the heart). God will not honor such a relationship as this. Don’t make these very serious mistakes and God may grant you a godly husband or wife. That is my prayer for those of you who are single.

May God richly bless you,





A Wife’s 3 Greatest Needs

Wives, just like husbands, have many needs, but what are three of the greatest needs that a wife has?

Your Love
I believe that we all need love and to give love, but love might be the greatest need of all for her, next to her relationship with Christ. Telling your wife verbally that you love her is important, but showing it by your actions is more important. Love is not just in word but in deed, as the Apostle John wrote, “…let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18). Love is a verb more than a feeling. Love is proactive. Jesus didn’t depend on His feelings to make Him go to the cross. He did it because He knew it was our only way to be saved. Show your wife you love her by sending her a card in the mail, by bringing her flowers, taking her out to dinner, scheduling a “bed and breakfast” weekend, taking out the trash, or whatever else you see that you can do to help her and show your love for her. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25).
Your Attention
I am so guilty of this. My wife says something and my body language acknowledges it, but it doesn’t sink in. Shame on me. Instead of burying myself in thought, the paper, or even the Bible, I need to look my wife straight in the eyes and give her my full attention. She might not want me to solve whatever she is talking about, but she does want me to listen. It is so disrespectful when someone says something to you and you don’t even acknowledge what they said by words or by nodding your head. Men, are you really listening to your wife? Could you repeat the last sentence she said? Drop whatever it is you had going on, including the remote if necessary, and stop, look, and listen. She deserves your attention, don’t you think?
Your Faithfulness
Surely, we husbands need to remain faithful to our wives. That is clearly commanded in Scripture. By remaining faithful to her, I mean not only avoiding adultery and pornography but avoiding commenting about other husband’s wives or looking at other women with lust. Men can so easily commit adultery of the heart. It’s like we’re hardwired that way, but we are supposed to be new creations in Christ, as Paul wrote, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Cor. 5:17). When we are born again, we are given a new nature, as Ezekiel wrote, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you” (Ezek. 36:26a), and as such, we were “buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life” (Rom. 6:4).
Conclusion
Obviously, there are a lot more than three things a wife needs that are not listed here, but surely we recognize that we need to love our wives as Christ loved the church. That means a life-sacrificing life of serving her. We need to give her our full attention when she is talking, and we need to be ever faithful to our bride, for she is a gift of God. We should treat her as such.

Friday, 28 November 2014

6 proven things women can do to be more attractive





In most cases, a woman wants to look attractive to men in hopes that she will find the one guy who will love and cherish her — and she him. If you are in this category and can't seem to get the job done, you're not alone. You may be thinking you're just not pretty enough. If that's the case, then it will surprise you to read this comment made by a Miss America contestant when she was asked, "How do you deal with all the guys who want to take you out?" She replied. "I haven't had a guy ask me on a date for ages. And I don't know why. I would love to go out."
Being attractive to men is much more than having a pretty face. Apparently, men are looking for more. To test this theory, we did a quick survey, online and in personal interviews, asking men what they consider attractive in women. Here are the six top characteristics that were mentioned — one way or another — by nearly all who were surveyed. These traits are what respondents found attractive in women:
1. Self-confident
She knows who she is. She doesn't need anyone else to define her. She's content to be herself. She has values and standards and isn't afraid to stick by them. She's not driven by every wind and wave of popular culture. She's grounded in knowing what she stands for and doesn't apologize for it to anyone. She has a strong faith in God. She's not arrogant about it, just quietly remains true to her beliefs and allows others to do the same. She is more concerned about others, including her boyfriend, than herself. One man, describing the woman he married, said, "Her moral 'backbone' and solid values were a hit with me." Being confident in who you are and having your values in place can free you up to care about others.
2. Adventuresome and fun
She's game for an adventure which makes her fun to be with. She isn't afraid to try new things, go new places and eat new foods. She doesn't hesitate to learn new things that we both find challenging and interesting. For example, a pre-med student said of his fiancé, "She was even willing to board a hot air balloon without knowing I was going to propose to her in midair." Yes, men enjoy being with women who are willing to try new adventures.
3. Feminine and pretty
She's not obsessed over her looks. She fixes herself up to look nice and is satisfied. When I'm with her I feel like a real man. She doesn't have a need to be masculine, though she is strong and extremely capable. Her femininity complements my masculinity. She can look adorable in five-inch heels one minute and equally charming in jogging shoes the next. She can wear a dress with a swirly skirt as comfortably as she wears everyday jeans. She's not inclined to use gutter talk. She knows how to smile and uses it often. She simply knows how to be a lady.
4. Smart
She has prepared herself intellectually — educated but not boastful about it. When we can talk freely about what's going on in the world, with both of us being equally involved in the conversation, that's a very good thing. It's not that she has to know about everything; it's that she wants to learn and finds learning rewarding. That's attractive.
5. Approachable and friendly
She gives me a glance when she sees me staring at her, encouraging me with a slight flirtatious look. One man who fell hook-line-and-sinker said, "Her down-to-earth personality made it impossible for me to resist." Another husband said, "She laughed at my jokes. She thought I was hilarious, and that stroked my ego. It made me want to be with her." Maybe our Miss America contestant — mentioned earlier — made guys feel that she was unapproachable — too good for them. Nobody wants to be rejected, so guys generally won't risk it. Men need to feel invited by your welcoming look and gestures. In other words, being friendly is attractive to guys.
6. Wants to be a mother
She says it by the way she interacts with children. She makes it clear that she's looking forward to having kids of her own. She actually says the words, "I want to be a mother." Several men stated that this quality was important to them because they wanted to be fathers someday. A man can't have a family without a wife who shares that same desire, so he finds this an attractive trait.
As evidenced in these comments, all is enhanced by how a guy feels about himself when he's with you. When you help him feel good about himself, he cannot help but be attracted to you. As you read what men are looking for in women, pick one quality that you could improve upon and start working on it. Step by step, you can become the attractive woman you've always wanted to be.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

10 keys to a triumphant marriage



"And they lived happily ever after. The end."
Well, not quite. "Happily ever after" actually takes a lot of work. Marriage is something that needs nourishment, repairing, caring hearts and lots of love. Both partners in a marriage must be fully committed to making the marriage triumphant. Here are some secrets for marriage success.
1. Communication is key
A big part of any relationship is communication. Good communication can help couples avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. It can also help strengthen marriages. It is crucial to discuss important topics, worries, finances, stresses and big decisions. Learning good communications skills will ease some tensions that are often present in any marriage.
2. Don't use the "D-word" — Divorce
Before my husband and I got married, he made the request that we simply do not talk about divorce — especially during disagreements. It can be easy, in a heated discussion, to say things that we don't really mean. Once it is said, you can't take it back. Using "divorce" in arguments puts it "out there" as if it's an option. We choose not to have divorce as an option, but rather seek to work together to solve problems. *There may be extenuating circumstances where divorce is necessary. Use good judgment in these cases.
3. Have regular date nights — weekly, if possible
Before marriage, it seems that couples want to spend time together strengthening their relationship and getting to know each other. It is paramount that this practice of courting one another continues into marriage. People change significantly over time. If time is not spent together, married partners may wake up one day and realize they don't know their spouse very well anymore. Continuing courtship after marriage allows couples to grow together, to stay in love and to have time together without other distractions like children, work or other responsibilities.
4. Think positively about your spouse
Dwelling on any negatives about your spouse is only going to invite more negatives. These thoughts can eat at you, cause fights and undue marital stress. Try looking for the good in your spouse. Compliment him/her on the things you love instead of pointing out annoyances or faults. Focusing on the positives will allow you to see more good things about your spouse.
5. Keep intimacy going strong
Married couples need to be connected emotionally, spiritually and, yes, physically. Physical and emotional intimacy is key to a happy marriage. This includes having date nights. Find out what makes your spouse feel loved and try to "speak" that language. For some, it is physical touch. Others need time or verbal communication. Remember to allow cuddle time, kissing, hugging, touching and having sex. This will strengthen your bond as a couple in a necessary way.
6. Forgive and apologize daily
We all make mistakes or do stupid things. If we are self-aware, we can see where we have wronged others and can let go of our pride and apologize. It is also important to forgive each other. Holding on to negative feelings will only fester and damage not only ourselves, but ultimately our marriage. Forgiving and apologizing frequently will save a lot of heartache and make a better marriage. Ruth Bell Graham said, "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers."
7. Help and support each other
Marriage is a two person team. Fight together not against each other. If one partner is struggling, the other needs to step up his game and help. You can't cross the finish line alone. It takes 100 percent effort from both team members. Supporting each other means to help around the house, with the kids and other responsibilities. Maybe there is a problem at work that can be solved with the advice of a loving spouse. As the saying goes, "two heads are better than one." Sometimes a listening ear and some comforting words go a long way.
8. You can't change your spouse, but you can change yourself
Going into a marriage thinking you can "fix" or change your spouse is just not possible. However, you can change yourself. Improving your weaknesses and becoming a better person might even inspire your spouse to do the same. Changing the way you think about your spouse may even have a great impact on her.
9. Don't flirt with danger
Whether it's pornography, "innocent" flirting or an affair, safe-guarding a marriage against temptations is necessary. Pornography is a problem that often requires professional help to overcome. Bringing it into a marriage is not a good idea. Additionally, flirting, spending time or any other activities with people of the opposite sex is definitely in the danger zone. Something seemingly innocent can quickly turn into something very inappropriate. It is best to avoid questionable situations and temptations altogether. Sexual and emotional relationships with someone other than your spouse are not OK.
10. Avoid discussing negative feelings or problems about your marriage with friends or family.
This is a temptation that is often justified by saying you just need to "vent" or talk to someone about it. The problem with this is it can often make the problem worse rather than better. Others can join in the negative talk or think less of your spouse long after the problem is solved. Communication between husband and wife is more worthwhile. For more serious problems, consider talking with a marriage counselor instead of those who are close to the situation.
Marriage can be wonderful or terrible. Either one takes work, but one leads to much happiness. "Happily ever after" is attainable through loyalty, diligence and work. Both husband and wife must fully commit to each other and the marriage. It takes two giving their all to create a lasting and beautiful marriage.

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