5 practices you need to learn before you say 'I do'

Happy marriages don't happen by accident; they take work. Practice these healthy habits now to make your future marriage strong.

Before you get married you may say or think, "when I get married I will (such and such)," or "I'll never do (such and such) when I'm married!" But are you doing or not doing those things now?

They way you act, treat your significant other and how you spend your time is a pretty good representation of what you will be like after you are married ... unless you make some positive changes now.

Lasting, healthy and happy marriages require work, with both spouses working together. "[S]tarting healthy habits before marriage can mean the difference between a marriage that thrives and lasts and a marriage that crumbles and ends in divorce. Cultivating healthy habits builds a strong foundation so that when issues come up, both individuals are more skilled at resolving them in a respectful and considerate manner.

Work on these practices now, regardless of your relationship status:

• Communicate

Whether you are hurt and angry, happy and excited or frustrated and annoyed, it's necessary to establish healthy lines of communication. You need to be able to discuss important topics with your partner. If you can't communicate with respect, love and with intent to understand, you will carry the same struggle into your marriage. Communication clears up misunderstandings and miscommunications, which can lead to marital problems. Establish healthy communication practices now.

• Put your significant other first

In a marriage, nothing should be more important than your spouse. Practicing this before you get married will make it easier to do after you are married. Your marriage and your companion should be your first priority before friends, work or other aspects of life.

• Take some time to do what you enjoy

In healthy relationships, you need to have some time to yourself. Hang out with friends, play sports or do other things you enjoy. Don't be excessive with your free time to the point that your girlfriend or boyfriend is not a priority, but find a healthy balance. You bring your individual experiences into your relationship, which helps to enrich it.

• Forgive and apologize

If you are not willing to learn how to forgive and say sorry when you have hurt or wronged someone, your relationships will suffer. Everyone has regrets about something they have said or done, which often hurts another person. We must be willing to let go of pride and genuinely apologize. Even if you don't think you did something wrong, you may have inadvertently hurt your spouse. You also must be willing to forgive in your relationships and be willing to let go of negative feelings, rather than harboring resentment. Strong marriages rely on forgiving and apologizing often.

• Even when life is busy, make time for each other

This kind of goes back to making your partner a priority. Even if you have busy weeks or months, you should make it a point to ask how your significant other is doing. Make a quick call or send a text message. Schedule regular date nights. These are equally, if not more so, important after you get married. If you can't make the time before you get married to connect, you sure won't be able to keep it up after — when the demands of work, children, house care and other things demand your time.

Starting healthy relationship practices now will make it easier after you're married to the love of your life. Working on it now will help you form habits you can bring to your marriage — even if you end up marrying someone different from who you are dating right now. Strong and happy marriages are built on good communication, putting your spouse first in life, forgiveness and apologies and making time for one another.

Finding the Purpose for Your Marriage

"Did God put you together?" 

When I ask that question of a married couple, they almost always say yes. 

Then I ask "Why did He put you together?" I get blank stares.

We believe God made us for each other, but many of us have no idea why. Helping couples discover God's purpose for their marriage is one of the things I am most passionate about. It can absolutely transform your relationship.

Here are three things I want you to know:

In five years, you will not be the same.

Better or worse, you'll be different.

Success happens on purpose and never by accident.

To reach a certain point in your marriage, you'll have to work at it.

In marriage, success only happens if you're both committed to the same purpose.

Amos 3:3 asks "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" If you're not in agreement, your marriage—the longest journey of your life—will be a constant challenge.

Keeping those facts in mind, I want you to know that finding the purpose for your marriage means starting with the big questions. Not "Where will we live?" or "How many kids should we have?" but "Why are we here?"

The answer is simple. God created us for relationship, to have a relationship with Him and a relationship with each other. This is reflected in Jesus' teaching about the two greatest commandments: to love God and to love people. Relationships are why we exist, and He wants us to have successful relationships.

On the other hand, the devil wants to destroy relationships by either separating us from God or separating us from each other—especially from our spouse. Satan is always trying to divide.

One way he divides is by separation. We see this in Genesis with Adam and Eve. God put them in a perfect paradise, but Satan convinces them that God was evil. He accuses God. He tries to divide Adam and Eve from God. And by speaking first to Eve, he divides Adam and Eve from each other.

He does this to couples today in so many different ways.

The second thing the devil does is substitution. He shows the fruit to Adam and Eve and tells them they didn't need God; they only need the fruit. Today, He makes us believe things will make us happier: money, a new job, a new spouse. He is always trying to get us to substitute things for our marriage or for God.

Separation and substitution are the Devil's schemes for marriage. But God's plan for marriage is relationship—to bring us closer to our spouse, and to bring us closer to Him. His plan for our life is that we love Him and love people, especially our family.
Satan's plan is to make us lonely and divided and always unsatisfied. We end up chasing after things.

God's plan is for us to pursue Him and pursue relationship. The opportunity to love God and each other is the reason God put you together. It doesn't get any more complicated than that.

10 Things Men Secretly Love About Their Wives.

Often husbands take advantage of their wives or don’t give them enough credit. But when it comes right down to it, husbands secretly love numerous things about their wives.

Wives just don't get enough credit for what they do for their husbands. Many husbands are not necessarily as communicative as they ought to be, but deep down most men secretly love certain things about their wives they may not share with the world — or even their wives. So, wives, here are a mere ten things your husbands secretly love about you.

• Wives just do things —

Wives don't usually wait to do things. When they see something that needs to be done, it gets done. And more often than not, you don't even know it was done unless she had asked you to do it, and you finally remembered after three or four weeks.

• Wives remember things that we don't —

Men have a tendency to forget things the moment they are told. Wives, on the other hand, have an incredible memory, which can be both bad and good. They can remember all the ridiculous things husbands have done. Fortunately, most wives look the other way or even outright forgive their husbands for some of these foolish things. In this sense, husbands love their wives for this trait.

• Wives who have children are incredible mothers —

Wives with children — no matter how many — are incredible. Research has shown the positive education levels of children are the primary result of mothers and their educational levels. Granted, mothers do way more than help their children with their studies and homework. They are positive roles models. In many homes when the children leave and call back home, they always ask to talk to their mothers. Pro athletes most often refer to their mothers when talking about their success.

• Wives love us despite our stupidity —

You have to admit it: Some men do stupid things, and their wives usually roll their eyes while they simultaneously shake their heads. Ironically, even after we do or say things way beyond our limit of brilliance, they still love us. Husbands continually breathe a sigh of relief every single day, knowing their wives love them despite their actions.

• Wives coddle when we are sick —

Men are wimps when it comes to being sick. Women can often go days without us even knowing they are sick. Even when they are sick, they continue on with their daily activities as if nothing is wrong. But when husbands get sick, it's almost "take-me-to-the-emergency-room" feeling. While she knows we aren't that bad off, she still takes time to baby us, even taking a sick day to care for us. When was the last time any husband took off a day of work to help his wife? Wives, we love your coddling!

• Wives make our favorite meals —

We have to admire our wives for knowing the true source of our motivation: our stomachs. It's that beckoning of grilled pork chops or ribs or baked potatoes or steak or fresh strawberry pie or even asparagus that leads to succumbing to our wife's wishes. Even though they work, our wives still tend to have the kitchen mastered. Granted, many husbands have figured out the cooking thing, but many of us have not.

• Wives anticipate things —

Wives are Radar-like! They know something before it is going to happen or they anticipate what you need long before you need it. We love our wives for this characteristic. It keeps us out of trouble and creates wonderful opportunities for us, both short-term and long-term.

• Wives know where everything is —

Have you ever noticed whenever you ask, "Hey, Dear, do you know where (name anything) is?" they know? They can tell you where you left your car keys or your i-Phone or that pair of blue slacks you love so much. Usually, they know where all things are because they put them away to be safeguarded until we need them. It's almost uncanny how they know, but they do. And we thank them for this incredible trait.

• Wives know the right things to say —

The world needs to learn from our wives. They tend to say the right things at the right time. Plus, when husbands say things they probably shouldn't, it is the wife who normally cleans up our verbal messes or prod us to say the right thing to assuage the situation. On those bad days at work or even when we lose our jobs, our wives know exactly how to maneuver the conversation in the right way.

• Wives are smarter than we are —

We admit it: our wives are much smarter than we are. Thankfully, we all "married up," meaning we married someone brighter, more intelligent, and better than we are. Of course, we sometimes don't admit it, but deep down we know it's true. How many times has something transpired, and it dawned on you that your wife was way ahead on this one or had more common sense? Wives and women are just naturally more pragmatic and cognizant of the way it's supposed to be.

Often husbands take their wives for granted or don't give them enough credit. But when it comes right down to it, husbands secretly love numerous things about their wives.

We husbands need to unabashedly tell them thanks more often than we do. Our macho-like attitudes need to diminish. We need to sing her praises — especially to her. And we need to show her we love these things even more than tell her.

Many thanks to our wives.

4 things God wants you to remember when life is hard

We've all had them — those days (or years) when nothing works out.

We've all had days (and maybe even years) when life just doesn't seem to be going our way!I've had long seasons of life where I felt like nothing was working and everything was out of whack, and I've had frustrating days where I just can't seem to get anything accomplished. This morning was one of those times…I was getting all three of our boys ready for school which is a massive undertaking and makes me respect my wife even more because she is normally the one doing it! Amidst the screaming infant and complaining grade-schoolers, there was a mess in the kitchen, a dirty diaper on the floor, toothpaste on the sink and stress in the air. When we FINALLY got out the door, Connor had forgotten something and had to run back in. The door was open just long enough for (I'm not making this up) a bird to fly in the house.Now, I've got to figure out a way to get the bird out of the house and all the kids loaded up as fast as I can. I eventually got the bird out (unharmed) and the kids loaded and just before I pulled out onto the main road, a garbage truck cut me off and started driving about five miles per hour and stopping at every other house. I wasn't sure whether to scream or laugh at the irony of it.In the grand scheme of things, a stressful morning doesn't impact life or eternity all that much, but in those longer seasons of joblessness, sickness, financial stress, marriage strain and other ongoing life events, the stress and frustration can seem overwhelming. Below are four things I've learned to remember in those challenging seasons of life that have helped me and I pray they help you as well!Struggles in life are inevitable, but destruction is optional. Remembering these four principles can make all the difference.

• 1. Remember that your Character should always be stronger than your Circumstances

We can't always control what happens to us, but we can always control how we choose to respond. In those moments when I choose to stop complaining and instead give thanks to God for the good in my life, the parts that seem bad start to seem much less significant. Choose to keep a positive attitude and thankful heart regardless of what you're going through.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

• 2. Remember that your Struggles always lead to Strength

Every difficulty in your life, whether big or small, is something God will use to produce more strength, faith and perseverance in you if you let Him! All your pain has a purpose.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

• 3. Remember that God's timing is always perfect

God's plans are almost always different from our plans, but His plans are always perfect! Have the patience to wait on His timing instead of forcing your own.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

• 4. Remember that God will never leave your side

You may feel like you're going through this struggle all alone, but from the moment you ask Jesus to bring you into God's family, He will be by your side to the end so never lose hope!

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

5 things I wish I'd known before I got Married

Let's just say I had no idea what I was getting into.

When my wife and I walked down the aisle several years ago, we had no idea what we were getting into! We were young and clueless, but we were in love and we figured that our enthusiasm and optimism would be enough to get us through the challenges of life. We soon learned that we were very unprepared!

Don't get me wrong, my wife and i have an amazing marriage, but we've also had to learn a lot of lessons the hard way. 

As I reflect back on the journey up to this point, I wish that I could climb in a time machine and tell myself some important lessons on my wedding day. Since I don't have a time machine, I'm hoping that other folks will be able to learn from my mistakes and put these principles into practice from the very beginning of their marriage.

Below are 5 truths I wish I'd known before we got married.

1. You need a financial plan

In the beginning, we didn't have any money, so we naively assumed that we didn't have a need for a plan for our money. Our lack of financial sense and discipline causes us to dig ourselves into a hole of debt in those early years and it created years of unnecessary stress as we dug our way back out. Start out with a plan.

2. You need to communicate about everything

When you go from being single to being married, it's easy to forget that now, your time, your money and your decisions all impact someone else. A lack of communication in those early days caused some hurt feelings and unnecessary strain. We've learned there's no such thing as too much communication in marriage.

3. You need a strong community around you

When we were starting out, we thought that all we needed was each other. It's a sweet thought, but it's completely impractical. We discovered the truth that we needed a community of faithful friends, wise mentors and the support of healthy church family. Now we are very intentional about seeking out and investing into these relationships.

4. You can't change each other

You each are going to have some quirks and habits that your spouse isn't going to understand, but there's no need to attempt to change each other. You'll both end up frustrated if you try! Celebrate your differences. Marriage is about loving your spouse; not changing your spouse.

5. You should have fun!

This is one we did pretty well even from the beginning. Fun usually doesn't happen by accident. You need to be intentional about making the most out of every moment God has given you. Make it your mission to fill your home and your marriage with love and laughter.