Why Nice and believing Guys (born again) are Really Just Men That Women Aren’t Ready for in Church.

Ready for a real relationship? Stop dating bad guys 'cool' in the name of they are more exciting and appealing than born again church guys who are presumed to be boring. Start looking for a nice guy.

Most ‘nice guys’ in Church i.e. born again men get a bad reception from good born again females. (No, I’m not talking about self-proclaimed “nice guys” who use politeness as currency to attract women — I mean actual kind men).

It’s really a shame, considering that truly nice guys are actually hubby material. Nonetheless, they’re almost always ignored or turned down, overlooked and unwanted.

Instead, women will go for the so called cool guy — the jerk. A woman will go for the “man of mystery” who will never let her get close enough to truly know. In youth meetings at my Church, i have more than often heard girls make statements like this, “Wanaume wa church wanaboo hata hawaongeangi kitu…” Whatever that means or something like, “…hua wamezubaa…”

Women really want nice guys. But they won’t know it for a while — at least, not until they’re ready for a life partner. They still have a lot to learn.

Once a girl becomes a woman and understands what is and isn’t important in life and in a relationship, the nice guy will suddenly become infinitely more appealing.

Girls think that the cool guy is the diamond in the rough…

…until they realize that “cool guy” usually translates into “a thorn in the flesh guy.”

And boy oh boy, are there thorn in the flesh guys in this world.

Women, like men, want excitement in their lives. Women also want someone rare, unique and special. Everybody does. People want what others don’t have because they make them feel special. And since Mom and Dad managed to convince us we’re special, we expect to stay that way.

Women don’t want the nice guy because “nice” sounds a lot like “average.” It’s good, not great; fine, not amazing. Or, at least, that’s how most of us feel.

However, after meeting and dating enough men, most women will realize one thing: It’s much easier to find a cool guy.

And that’s when the tables turn.

Unfortunately, this realization usually comes after years and years of dating so called cool guy just because he took her for an outing and bought her some good gifts while Mr born again was busy praying in arboretum and hence the girl turns down this nice guy. Strangely nice guys get turned down so often that they start to believe being a bad/cool guy is the way to go.

He wants to be nice. But if women want someone who treats them poorly, he may as well give them what they want. I’m not saying women are to blame, but I’ve seen this happen with my own eyes.

The nice guy is the one girls will seek once they’ve made enough mistakes.

Meeting the right person isn’t about finding someone compatible. It’s about rejecting the people you aren’t meant to date. It’s about becoming the person you need to be to make a relationship work.

People learn by making mistakes. The risks we take — and the failure that so often follows — make us better.

Of course, in life, there is no one to tell us about our mistakes and what we can learn from them.

So when it comes to heartache, we don’t always learn from experience. Because learning is, after all, left up to our interpretation.

Women usually find the “nice guy” after they’ve seen other relationships fail time and time again. The nice guy isn’t appealing until you realize he’s exactly what you need.

Unfortunately, you have to date a lot of bad guys to realize this.

Women eventually realize that nice guys can be exciting and spontaneous with the right woman.

Women assume that jerks will make for a more exciting relationship.

And, to be completely honest, this is often the case. Sometimes nice guys are a bit too nice. They’re guessing that kindness is something all women want.

But that’s not true. No one wants just that.

Everyone wants to feel more. We want to be excited and moved; we know that being in love can make us feel that way.

Well, the bad guy/cool guy will make a more exciting relationship. But it won’t be exciting in the way you hope. You will be overwhelmed with emotions, but they won’t be positive ones.

The unborn again will make you feel bad about yourself. He’ll make you feel worried and stressed. He’ll convince you that what you’re feeling is love, when in reality it’s far from it.

Your life will certainly be more exciting, but you’re going to hate it. So what’s the point?

Any relationship can be exciting — the good kind of exciting — if both people work on making it so.

It’s not just up to the man to make your relationship more exciting. Women also need to work on making their relationships exciting.

We all want to be swept off our feet, but one-sided relationships always fail. After all, it is a partnership.

If you don’t believe me, go ahead — date the unbelieving guy. Ignore the nice guy. And then when you change your mind, re-read this article and tell me I’m wrong.

Remember love is blind so they say.

''Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"-2 Corinthians 6:14
OUCH Paul, way to spare people’s feelings! But the truth hurts, right? These days dating a non-believer is starting to become even more common and somewhat accepted within the church with a weak excuse that men in the Church are not outgoing as men out there.
Be blessed, Stay encouraged.

You want to be What Kind of a wife? 7 Virtues a Christ-Centered Wife Should Pursue

My soul was overwhelmed with my to-do list from our recent move.  My life felt turned upside down.  Out of order.  Lacking routine.  Yet, I knew I needed to put my home in order because if my home wasn’t in order, my head wouldn’t be either.

I’m the keeper of the home so my family was naturally looking to me to know where to put away such and such item, as well as where to find it a few weeks later!

Where are the light bulbs? What drawer is cup and plates in?  Where are the towels so I can take a shower? And what’s for dinner?

To say I was irritated with the men in my home was a complete understatement.  After all, it wasn’t that hard to open up a few drawers in the kitchen to figure out where the forks were.

And then to hear my husband complain about how I was setting up the home, well, that didn’t go over too well for me.  It wasn’t like I was dragging my feet and procrastinating on this business of unpacking.  I had all of our boxes unpacked within the first 3 weeks of us moving.  Even in the midst of workers who had to be coordinated to show up and fix the plumbing problems, mold problems, roof leaks, and air conditioning issues.

Yes, all of those issues could set any woman over the edge and cause her to lose it in 2 seconds!

I laid in bed from sheer exhaustion when I asked myself this question,

“What kind of wife do I want to be?”

Sure, I could blame my husband or my peers for pushing me over the edge.  Or I could blame my circumstances for the pressure I was under.  But I had to look deeper within my soul.

Would I allow my circumstances to dictate my character?

Yeah, that question hurt.

What did I need to do to be Christ-centered rather than me-centered?  And the thought returned…

What kind of wife do I want to be?

In the midst of trying times in our lives, that one little question is a great question to ask ourselves.  It helps up to keep our priorities straight.  It causes us to contemplate our actions and attitudes.  To readjust our hearts and seek out the Living Water when our souls are parched.

So I came up with this list to remind myself of the type of wife I’d like to be regardless of what my husband does or doesn’t do.

After all, he is not the one I bow down to.

He is not the one I’ll stand before when my life here on earth is over.

He is not the one my soul cries out to serve.

And he is not my Savior.  That position belongs solely to Jesus Christ.

Bottom line:

A wife’s character should not be determined by her husband’s character.

7 Virtues a Christ-Centered Wife Should Pursue

1. Gracious.

Definition: pleasantly kind, benevolent, and courteous.

• Good-hearted.
• Approachable.
• Hospitable.
• Accepting.

Opposite of Gracious:

• Critical.
• Impolite.
• Irritable.

Scripture to meditate on: Whoever loves a pure heart and gracious speech will have the king as a friend. Proverbs 22:11 (NLT)

Application: A wife with gracious speech will have her husband as her friend.

2. Supportive.

Definition:  Providing sympathy or encouragement.

• Helpful.
• Complementary.

Opposite of Supportive:

• Self-centered.
• Discouraging.
• Opposition.
• Disapproval.

Scripture to meditate on: …even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.  Psalm 139:10 (NLT)

Application: A supportive wife will provide strength to her husband.

3. Respectful.

Definition of Respectful: full of, characterized by, or showing politeness or deference.

• Admire.
• Humble.
• Adore.
• Honor.
• Regard.

Opposite of Respectful:

• Inconsiderate.
• Proud.

Scripture to meditate on:…and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Eph. 5:33

Application:  This command from the Lord did not come with a clause.  Nowhere in scripture does it say, “If my husband deserves my respect, then I’ll choose to respect him.”  Because I want to be a wise wife, I think I’ll listen to the Lord instead of my emotions.  Will you as well?

4. Faithful.

Definition of Faithful: true to one’s word, promises, vows, etc.  Steady in allegiance or affection.

• Loyal.
• Constant.
• Unwavering.
• Reliable.
• Excellent.

Opposite of Faithful:

• Unstable.
• Inconsistent.
• Uncertain.

Scripture to meditate on: An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.  Proverbs 31:10

Application: Your worth as a capable, faithful, and honorable wife is more precious than jewels.  See the value in your noble role.

5. Wise.

Definition of Wise: having the power of discerning and judging properly as to what is true or right; possessing discernment, judgment, or discretion.

• Intelligent.
• Reasonable.
• Aware.
• Careful.

Opposite of Wise:

• Foolish.
• Careless.
• Inattentive.

Scripture to meditate on: A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1 (NIV)

Application: A wise wife will build up her husband with encouraging and gracious words.

6. Kind.

Definition of Kind: of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person.

• Affectionate.
• Tender-hearted.
• Compassionate.
• Considerate.

Opposite of Kind:

• Disagreeable.
• Thoughtless.
• Rude.
• Mean.

Scripture to meditate on: Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you. Proverbs 11:17 (NLT)

Application: A kind wife will bring reward to your soul and to your husband’s, but a cruel wife will bring destruction to your marriage.

7. PASSIONATE

Definition of Passionate: having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling; fervid.

• Loving.
• Romantic.

Opposite of Passionate:

• Apathetic.
• Uncaring.
• Cold.

Scripture to meditate on: But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.  1 Cor. 7:9 (NIV)

Application:  At one point in our relationship, we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.  Seek to rekindle that type of passion rather than let it die down.

His glory….I want it to spill out into my soul.  When this happens, His glory spills out into the souls of those around me, namely my husband. That’s the kind of wife I want to be. One who declares His glory to a dark world, and sometimes a dark home when you cant find the light bulbs.

What kind of wife do you want to be?  Are you willing to embrace these 7 virtues?

Live a poured out life for Christ,