Communication in Marriage

Strategies for Effective Communication.

Happy couples

Marriage is like a dance, and communication is the rhythm that keeps you in sync. But let’s be honest—sometimes we miss a step or two! Whether you’re newlyweds or have been together for decades, keeping the conversation flowing can be a challenge. 

But don’t worry; with a little effort (and maybe a sense of humor), you can keep the beat going strong.

First, remember that listening is just as important as talking. 

Ever find yourself waiting for your turn to speak instead of really hearing your partner? We’ve all been there! Try focusing on their words without planning your response. You might be surprised by what you learn.

Next, choose the right time for important conversations. 

Bringing up a serious topic when your spouse is rushing out the door or when you’re both tired from a long day isn’t setting yourself up for success. Pick a moment when you can both be fully present.

Also, don’t forget the power of “I” statements. 

Instead of saying, “You never help with the dishes,” try, “I feel overwhelmed when the kitchen is messy.” It’s amazing how a small shift in phrasing can lead to a more positive outcome.

Finally, add a dash of humor! Laughter is a great way to break the tension and keep things light. After all, marriage should be fun!

Effective communication takes practice, but with patience and a little bit of playfulness, you and your partner can master the art of conversation.

Newly Married? Here is something to note

From Engaged to Married

So, you’ve gone from being engaged to being married. 

It’s not just about swapping rings and saying “I do,” it’s about trading your old lifestyle for a completely new one. 

Remember that sweet little sliver of independence you had as an engaged person? Yeah, well... poof! Gone. 

In marriage, there’s no more “I’m my own person” hours. Nope, now you’re a team, and your solo time? That’s pretty much history.

Sure, you might still get a bit of freedom, but here’s the kicker: no matter how loose the rules are, you’ve got someone else permanently in your life-loop.

Running late from work? Better call your spouse. Skipping dinner because you’re craving chips with your coworkers? They need to know.

Oh, and if you forget to pick up the dry cleaning? You’re now responsible for alerting the team so someone can save the day. 

Marriage is like a full-time life update system.

At first, you might feel like you’re reporting to your parents again (and yes, you might rebel a bit). But think about it for a sec. Imagine this: your spouse is always home by 6:25 pm. By 7:20, dinner’s cold, and still no sign of them. By 8:25, you’re halfway through dialing the Police, convinced they’ve been kidnapped by aliens.

They finally stroll in, all smiles, apologizing for being late because of a meeting, while you’ve aged 10 years in worry. You don’t want to be the reason for that kind of panic, do you? So, yeah, keep them in the loop!

Oh, and gone are the days when you could casually say, "Sure, I’ll grab 'chipo' with you guys tonight!" without a second thought. Now, you’ve got to check in first.

I know, I know—it’s a bummer if they say no, but what if they’ve planned a romantic evening that you didn’t know about? Worth checking, right?

Consideration is the name of the game in early marriage.

Is your music too loud? Do you hog all the blankets? Snore? Yeah, these are the things you start paying attention to, not because you want to be perfect, but because you’re now part of a partnership. And when those little arguments pop up, meet in the middle. 

No power struggles here—just two people figuring it out together.

So, in those first few months of marriage, everything might feel a bit strange and not exactly like you imagined. But if you both add a healthy dose of consideration to the love, trust, and respect you already have, things will settle down, and you'll start doing things for each other naturally, without any resentment or sense of obligation. 

Welcome to the adventure!

Choosing Your Flower Girls Dress.

Beautiful flower girl-Ahha Xababa.

If you have decided on a flower girl for your wedding, it is time to choose her dress, which can actually be a fun time for her and you. After all, next to the bride, the flower girl will be getting a lot of the oohs and ahhs.

When choosing a flower girl's dress, begin by checking out boutiques that specialize in children’s wedding wear. A regular wedding shop may be able to help, however usually these shops will only adjust adult measurements to fit a small child, which could cause the dress to look disproportionate to the child’s body frame.

Although the bride may already have a design in mind for choosing the flower girls dress, remember that the parents will be paying for it, unless otherwise arranged. Let the flower girls mom and the flower girl, herself give opinions to the dress you are looking at and be sure it is in a price range they can afford.

Remember to keep in mind that little girls grow fast, when choosing your flower girls dress. If you are ordering the dress six months in advance, you may want to add a few inches to the dress, which can then be altered the week before the wedding. Just like with any dress, it will be easier to take it in than adding material to a dress that is too small.

Little girls like to feel like princesses in their dresses. So consider a smaller make to your wedding gown when choosing a flower girls dress. Traditional flower girl dresses are usually white with full, ruffle skirts underneath to give them the bridal look. Flower accented dresses are also popular among flower girls. Use hoop slips to give them that princess look. Keep in mind the material you are selecting. A soft, silky feel will leave your flower girl less fidgety versus and rougher material that will make them itch and feeling uncomfortable.

When choosing your flower girls dress, do not forget to find matching accents for her hair. Decide if you want her hair up or down. With either, adding baby’s breath and ribbons will give her a beautiful look of enchantment. Also let her parents know what type of shoe you would like her to wear with her dress. If you choose a shorter dress, close toe or an open sandal, depending on the time of year, would be appropriate. If the dress is long and flowing, covering her feet, think about letting her wear white slippers. This will ensure her comfort and make the event more enjoyable for everyone.

Flower girls add a cute touch to any wedding. Let her carry a beautiful bouquet or throw flower pedals down the aisle as she walks, which is usually the tradition of her role. If the child you choose is too small to walk, decorate a red wagon in a lot of white lace and flowers and let an older child, or bridesmaid pull the wagon down the aisle.

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Common Marriage Problems – Neglect

Couples in trouble

It is so easy to work your life away, forget about your family, your partner and your relationship. People putting work before family is such a common marriage problem that seems to pop up time and time again.

Its ok for a while, your partner will understand that you need to put some time and effort into your career especially if it generates a good income but as time goes on and the W word pops up again and again, even if your partner enjoys the benefits of your efforts, all patience fades and the realization sets in that work is more important!!

I used to know a couple who spent most of their life apart. He worked nights and she worked days. She enjoyed spending the money that night shifts generated, loved new clothes, new cars and all the little luxuries a comfortable life style brings but hated her partner being tired when he was at home. They were between a rock and a hard place with him knowing that if he gave up nights bang went the luxuries and more than likely bye bye wife but if he carried on working nights and striving for promotion he was dead in the water anyway. What a choice. Needless to say they never reached a compromise, she wasn’t willing to wait for the promotion and a return to day shifts, so they are no longer married.

Working excessively long hours, travelling a lot and constantly leading separate lives is bound to put a strain on your relationship and it has proven to be a real relationship killer, a common marriage problem that is prolific in the career society. Just look at the number people that are addicted to long unsociable working hours and then see how many of them are still married.

I have only ever met a handful of couples who are truly comfortable with, at best, a weekend relationship and these are couples that have learned and are happy to live independent lives. The problem in their relationships will come when the long hours and travelling comes to an end and they have to learn to live with each other 24/7.

How many partners spend their whole life at work, rarely seeing their children and having little time for their spouse? Their partners so often feel neglected, crave adult company, and as time goes on, the neglected partner’s cries go on ignored the relationship begins to wither and fade and the couple tend to grow apart.

When children are involved it is even more difficult with just one partner having to make sure they are around. That they are the ones there in the mornings and there in the evenings and that they alone have to revolve their whole lives around children and school. Again this pressure on one partner is all too common, a marriage problem that seems to be ignored by spouses who tend to avoid their responsibilities under the misguided understanding that their partners can and are happy to cope.

Those early years, when your children are growing up are very special and are years that can never be recaptured. They aren’t years that should just pass you by at your desk under the false impression that next time your child wants you it will be different, you just need to clear this project and then the next and then the next… It’s never any different.

Children struggle with the concept of work being more important than them and what is going on in their lives. They are too young to understand the concept that their parent is just short sighted, perhaps confused as to what should take priority in their lives. Money doesn’t mean much to a child.

When work takes over your life, no matter what you best intentions are, if your vision isn’t understand and accepted by your family and they aren’t 100% behind you all of the way they will learn to resent the time you spend at your desk rather than with them. They will feel abandoned, unwanted and unloved.

If you want to revolve your life around a work driven environment you must make sure that that your partner has the same all-consuming driving ambition. If either one in a relationship feels that work has taken over the family life it is time to sit down and discuss what is important in to you both. Consider the issues, understand the feelings on both sides, think about the children and work out what is best for the individuals, the relationship and the family as a whole.

Catch this common marriage problem before it develops into something more serious don’t loose your family over something you probably will learn to regret, save your marriage before it’s too late.

How Do You Find the Best Wedding Present Ideas?

 

Best wedding present idea.

Wedding presents are intended to be extraordinary, and they're intended to be enjoyable. Numerous weddings are (regularly) a long way from serious events similar to a festival of the couple and individuals that they love the most.

What would it be advisable for you to be searching for when you get a present for your companions? Or then again how might you discover presents for your wedding gathering, guardians, and others engaged with your wedding? Here are a few inquiries to pose as you start your quest for wedding blessing thoughts.

What are two or three's preferences?

Everybody has things that they like and hate, and that is truly imperative to think about when you're assembling a rundown with the endowments that you need to provide for individuals. In case you're welcome to your wedding, you probably know them alright to have the option to decide this.

Knowing what it is that couples like and aversion can make it that a lot simpler to really select what it is that they'll adore and love for quite a long time to come.

Would it be able to be customized?

In case you're getting something high quality or remarkable, you need to check whether it can really be customized for them. Customized endowments are amazingly extraordinary and they can truly check the event such that they'll recall.

Attempt to be aware of things like spelling, who is changing their name to what, and how they intend to be tended to. On the off chance that you need to ask them, feel free to ask them! They'd prefer you get it right on the item than be left with something that is wrong.

Does it go with the subject of their wedding?

Now and again, it's enjoyable to get something exceptional that goes with the subject, particularly in case you're the lady of the hour or potentially husband to be and you're assembling presents for your wedding party. It turns into a truly exceptional memento that permits your friends and family to take a gander at it and recollect precisely what your festival resembled.

Couples appreciate things that go with their subject too. For instance, assuming a couple has a luau subject for their uncommon day, consider getting them some pleasant things – like mats or divider workmanship – that use that topic too. They'll recollect when they got it!

Is it something that they need (or like something that they need)?

Take a gander at their vault, in the event that they have assembled one. Assuming they have, you need to be certain that you peruse it and see what kinds of things that they have requested. At times, you might have the option to get something almost identical to what's on their library. For instance, on the off chance that they need a cheddar board, cutting board, or wine glasses, you might have the option to get customized alternatives, or ones with a pleasant plan they'll appreciate.

Try not to be reluctant to adhere to the vault.

A few group get apprehensive about utilizing a wedding vault to buy endowments. The truth of the matter is, the cheerful couple set up this is on the grounds that they need or need the things on that rundown. Thus, on the off chance that you adhere to the library, you're not being uncreative – you're simply keeping things basic and getting them what they need and need. You can likewise get them a gift voucher for one of the spots that they have a library!

Search for quality, consistently.

You never need to go modest with regards to assembling blessing thoughts. The truth of the matter is, there are a wide range of spots that you can go to track down the ideal alternatives for gifting. While you can generally get something "for a take" in a manner of speaking, you generally need to be certain that those things are excellent. 

10 lovely words to tell a pregnant woman.

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Pregnant woman in marriage.

1. "You make pregnancy look easy."
2. "That’s the perfect bump I have ever seen."
3. "Being pregnant suits you."
4. "You’re glowing."
5. "You look great."
6. "You are adorable."
   
7. "You are all Belly."
8. "There is no way this baby is number three."
9. “Congratulations.”
10. “You’re the most beautiful pregnant woman I’ve ever seen”

Now that we’ve cleared that up, keep these 10 compliments in mind the next time you see a pregnant lady on the street.

Point to note: Here are a few examples of what NOT to say to a pregnant woman you meet: “You look like you are having twins,” “Are you overdue,” Guess it’s going to be any day now.”

Add more words and see the following link "Got caught, childing" on you-tube and subscribe at https://youtu.be/cFuaaBJ2gfc

We welcome your feedback.

Christian Sex – 7 Barriers to Fulfilling Married Sexuality.

Many Christian married couples have yet to experience a fulfilling sexuality. Yet, it is an essential ingredient for a vital Christian marriage. 

Couples making love.

Here are 7 barriers to a fun and fulfilling lovemaking for Christian married couples

1. Not knowing what God says about sex.

The first commandment God gave was to engage in sex (Genesis 1: 27-28.) God had just created humanity in His image, commanded them to be fruitful and multiply, and then commented it was good (Genesis 1:31.) Somehow, it seems like this was a priority for Adam and Eve.

2. Talking very little with your spouse about sexuality or your preferences.

When couples can share with their spouse about sexuality or their sexual preferences, intimacy is created. An emotional bond results from the intimate level of vulnerability on a conversational level. A great place to start talking about sex is to share what lovemaking means to you emotionally, how frequent you would like to have sex, and even times of the day or specific days.

3. Engaging out of obligation, rather than enjoyment.

Many believe sex was solely intended for procreation, rather than recreation. To the contrary, the poetic references in the Song of Solomon describe lovemaking that is enjoyable and anticipated. Feel free to have some fun with sex with different positions and places. However, all must be with respect for your spouse’s considerations. I Corinthians 1:4 states that our bodies belong to our mates, not just us. It is written from a spirit of equality, where both spouses are to serve one another, rather than one controlling the other. For one spouse to force the other into sexual behaviors without consent is abusive.

4 Failure to plan.

Many couples, Christians especially, are sexually frustrated. While some of this may be attributed to different sexual appetites, much more is a result of infrequency. Sex is never convenient, but is critical to a vital relationship. Plan for sex like you would any other appointment. Rather than thinking of this as stale, consider that it allows you and your spouse time to plan for the special time together. Planning also alleviates any concerns for sexual deprivation and sexual pressure.

5. Using sex as a reward or punishment.

Sex is often used as a reward for some positive behavior. Or it can be withheld when one spouse is angry with the other. Couples sabotage themselves when their sex life becomes a bartering system. Because of its vulnerability, lovemaking must be unconditional to be meaningful. Find other ways to thank your spouse, and healthy ways to overcome your resentments. 

6. Unresolved sexual abuse issues. 

Sexual abuse issues follow spouses into marriage. Victims of sexual abuse may have an aversion to lovemaking, or experience painful reminders of the past. For some, there may be a distortion of healthy sexuality. If you have been wounded from sexual abuse, realize that you did nothing to deserve this. Furthermore, there is hope. I encourage you to find a counselor that specializes in this area, and begin the road to recovery. It is one thing to survive sexual abuse, and another to overcome it.

 7. Pornography.

The most significant destructive force to a healthy sex life is pornography. And yes, I am talking about Christian marriages. Images are burned into a persons mind, thereby creating an insatiable thirst for more erotic behavior, or harmful behaviors. Some couples have stated the use of pornography enhances their sex life. I disagree. Not only is it degrading, but it fosters empty relationships by focusing on the physical rather than love. If your marriage has been affected by pornography, find a qualified counselor to help you rebuild the intimacy in your marriage.

In my experience as a Christian counselor, a lot of confusion exists amongst married couples regarding a healthy Christian sex life. The reality is that God has given sex as a gift for married couples to embrace rather than tolerate, or misuse. So much of today’s culture promotes a contaminated view of sex. As Christians, lets change our culture by strengthening our marriages with a healthy Christian sexuality.