3 WAYS TO COMPROMISE IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Many are intimidated by the word compromise. But without compromise, how can a marriage succeed?

The act of compromising in a marriage is difficult, but not impossible. A marriage is not one-sided. Marriage is a strong bond between two loving people who make mutual decisions. People fear compromising will only jeopardize who they are as a person. They believe they can no longer make decisions for themselves. That is not necessarily true. If you agree with your spouse all the time without voicing your opinions and without working as a team, then there could be a risk of losing one's identity. However, compromise is meeting your spouse halfway. There are times in which putting your needs and wants aside will be expected of you. You do not want to seem selfish. You want your spouse and children to experience some of their needs and wants, as well.

Being married to an older man taught me a valuable lesson about compromise. He was firm on his set ways and I was firm on mine. At first, we bumped heads on a couple of matters due to our age difference. But we soon realized – when we decided to pull back a little from our set ways – how simple it was to make final decisions that made us equally happy.

As intimidating as compromising may sound, it is important to do so for a successful marriage and family.

Never assume — communication is a must

Oftentimes, you allow your spouse to make all the decisions even when you are against them. You are afraid of hurting his feelings or afraid to share your comments. You must set those fears aside and speak. Do not assume he knows what you are feeling or thinking. You must politely and maturely express your thoughts. For example, your spouse is ready to start a family, but you are not. In this case, you need more time. Instead of leading him on that you, too, want a family right away, kindly tell him how you truly feel. Another example is your spouse earned a promotion at work, but that promotion is in another state. You are happy for your spouse, but are you ready to uproot everything you have established for yourself? The longer you wait to tell your spouse how you feel about situations, the more difficult it will become as time passes. Communication will lead you and your spouse to make positive decisions together.

Consider all options

When a situation arises which requires thorough consideration, sit down with your spouse. Lay out all of your pros and cons and discuss them in detail. For example, if you and your spouse plan on moving out-of-state and you have children, as a team you must figure out where they will attend school. Are the kids old enough to express their concerns about moving to a strange place with no friends or family members? What appears to be a good idea to you may not necessarily seem good to your spouse and children.

Be consistent with your decisions

Once you and your spouse make the final decision, do not go back on your word, especially when it comes to your children. Revisiting the same situation over and over only show signs of inconsistencies. Avoid those signs in front of your children. They need to know their parents have things under control and are on the same page.

Compromising does not mean one person is right or wrong. It only means you and your spouse are meeting somewhere in the middle for the well-being of your marriage and your family.

DIVORCE AND REMMARIAGE CONT... PART 3

Still other Christians hold a third view: namely, that breaking a marriage is always wrong, but that remarriage to another spouse is allowable regardless of the reasons for the first divorce. They believe Jesus meant that anyone who divorces his wife without due cause just to marry another is committing adultery, whether it is legal according to the law of Moses or not (Matthew 19:9). But these Christians argue that when Jesus said in Matthew 5:32 that “Anyone who divorces his wife... causes her to become an adulteress”, he could not mean that, she becomes an adulteress simply because of the divorce. And Jesus could not mean that every innocent woman who is divorced (when she herself has not committed adultery) will later either remarry or without remarriage commit actual adultery. Some women will neither remarry nor commit adultery. Rather, Jesus meant that if a man divorces his wife when she has not committed adultery, he make her “look like” an adulteress; others will believe she was divorced for “marital unfaithfulness”. If she marries again, her new husband will “look like” an adulterer. This interpretation fits well with Paul’s words in Romans 7:3 that a woman who marries while her first husband is still living is called an adulteress; Paul does not say that she is, in fact, an adulteress.

Christians who hold this third view think that believers should not divorce their spouses, but that they should allow an unbelieving spouse to divorce them if that unbelieving spouse wants to do so (1 Corinthians 7:10-16). Since the word for “unmarried” in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 is different from the word “virgin” in 1 Corinthians 7:25, these Christians believe that in verses 8-9 Paul was writing about “previously married” people, whether divorced or widowed. If this is so, then he was allowing them to remarry if they could not control their sexual desires. Therefore, following this interpretation, this group of Christians do not examine the particular reason for the previous (wrong) divorce. They allow everyone to remarry if they have repented of their part in the breakup of their previous marriage.

The issue of divorce and remarriage is complex. One must prayerfully study all the relevant verses before coming to a conclusion on this subject. It is also important to consult with one’s pastor or the elders of one’s church before making any plans to divorce or remarry. Different churches will have differing policies on this matter. (Written by Zablon Nyonje).

DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE CONT... PART 2

Many other Christians have a second view: namely, that divorce is allowed in some circumstances when the marriage is already broken, for example if one’s spouse has already committed adultery, divorce does not “cause” adultery to take place. Some Christians consider desertion (for example, when a husband leaves his wife without a formal divorce) or other unusual circumstances (such as physical cruelty) to be the equivalent of adultery. Some of this Christians further believe that in cases where an unbelieving spouse wants to get a divorce, the Christian spouse should follow Paul’s advice to let the unbelieving partner go (1Corinthians 7:15). Regarding remarriage, some of this Christians think that a believer who divorces his or her spouse for any reason (even for a reason they allow) must not get married again as long as the first spouse is a live (1 Corinthians 7:11). Others believe that the innocent believer is free to marry again at once. This Christians point to Paul’s words that the believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances (1 Corinthians 7:15).

DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE CONT... PART 1

First, many Christians believe that divorce is never allowable, and therefore that remarriage is always wrong while the first spouse is still alive (Romans 7:2-3). They note that the words Jesus in Mark 10:11-12 do not include the phrase except for marital unfaithfulness. These Christians believe that those who remarry are committing adultery because they are still married in God’s Eyes to their previous spouse. They believe that divorcing ones’ wife causes her to either commit actual adultery or to get married again, which in their view is equal to adultery (Matthew 5:32). This Christians also point to Paul’s words in Romans 7:3, where a woman who marries another while her husband is still alive is called an adulteress. Paul also said that those who divorce their spouses must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to each other (1 Corinthians 7:11). Therefore, according to this interpretation, a person who is divorced is never allowed to get married again while the first spouse is still alive.

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE CONT... DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE INTRO.

Four main parts of this article are introduction, part 1,2 and 3.

Introduction.

Promises given by Christians in marriage ceremony are given before God Himself, as well as before the Church as a group. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. The Bible teaches that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:14-16). Divorce was common in Old Testament times, and God desired to stop ‘easy’ divorce that had no good reason. He also desired to provide legal protection for the wife who had been discarded by her husband. The law of Moses required that a man have a proper reason for divorcing his wife, namely uncleanness, and that he give his wife a proper certificate of divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). By the time of Jesus, some PHARISEES taught that a man could divorce his wife for any reason at all (Matthew 19:3). Jesus answered that it was wrong for anyone to break the marriage relationship that God had made. He said, “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). Jesus said that God never wanted divorce, but the Law of Moses had allowed it because the Jews’ hearts were hard (Matthew 19:8). All Christians believe that it is wrong to break up a marriage.

But then Jesus said further that “Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Elsewhere Jesus had said that “Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). What does Jesus mean in these last two statements? There are three main views among Christians and this will make part 2,3 and 4 of this. To be continued...