9 sure-fire signs he is the one to marry

What qualities truly make a difference when marriages start hitting the inevitable bumps and potholes in the road of life? Here are nine signs to look for when you’re dating to help you know if that special someone will make a great partner for life

Most people have some idea of what they'd like their spouse to be like: funny, smart and good-looking.

But what qualities truly make a difference when marriages start hitting the inevitable bumps and potholes in the road of life? Here are nine signs to look for when you're dating to help you know if that special someone will make a great partner for life.

• You feel like yourself

Ever been in a relationship where you feel you're always putting on a show? There are all kinds of reasons you may try to be someone you're not around a date or boyfriend, but when you pair up with someone who makes you feel utterly yourself, you can focus your energy on making a good relationship great.

• Thinks about the future

Sure, everyone talks about "growing old together," but do they have a plan for all the time in between? Are they committed to contributing to retirement accounts, budgeting effectively to save more than they spend and preparing for a rainy day? Even storing water and some basic food and supplies shows that a man wants to make sure his wife is provided for, no matter what.

• Not a clone of you

Sharing a religion and having similar values and expectations from life are important when two become one, but having strengths and weaknesses, life experiences and traits that are complementary rather than exactly alike will help those two work together better along the road of marriage.

• You catch him doing things without being asked

For example, after a church activity, he helps to put away chairs without being on the clean-up committee. Or he helps clear the table after having dinner at your parents' house. A person willing to chip in and make life easier for others in just the little things will be willing to help carry some of the heavy burdens that will surely come into your life.

• Willing to listen to your concerns

They say you can't expect to change someone, but everyone has weaknesses that can become strengths over time. If they're willing to be humble, listen and try to be better. A dating partner who shrugs off your concerns is sending a loud signal that he's not willing to do the work of growing together. One who says, for example, "I'm sorry I was insensitive; how can I do better next time?" is a keeper.

• Is already spouse material

If you're dating "a guy" but hoping he'll turn into a "husband" with the exchange of vows, be prepared for disappointment. But if you're dating a man who is already husband material, and you're wife material, the wedding will just put the stamp on a relationship that is forever.

• Notices the little things

One writer famously wrote not to "sweat the small stuff," or get stressed about little things, but when a wife notices the small signs her husband has had a hard day and right away takes action to show extra love, he'll feel cherished. Or when a husband's eyes light up and he can't help but plant a kiss on his wife when she takes a little time to look extra-special for a date night, she'll feel particularly beloved.

• Handles setbacks with grace

Every dating relationship will give each partner the opportunity to see how the other handles a challenge or big disappointment. Did she give up when she didn't pass a career certification test the first time, or did she pick herself up (maybe after an evening of crying and eating a pint of ice cream) and get ready to study harder for another go at the test? Marriage and life will inevitably test us all, so know your partner is someone who will keep trying.

• Unfailingly loyal

Loyalty certainly means that one partner would never allow himself to fall for or get involved with another person outside the marriage. But it also means that he will speak kindly of, even "defend," his spouse when they're apart. If you hear from a second party that your significant other bragged about some trait of yours or how well you had done in a work or school situation, you know he is devoted to you.

And remember, don't just look for these qualities and situations. Be your best self for that future partner, too.

9 signs you're not in the right relationship

Sometimes fears are your soul’s way of screaming that something is seriously off.

Shortly after I called off my wedding engagement, women flooded me wanting advice on how to know if a relationship was wrong. Although each circumstance was unique, one similarity stuck out to me from every conversation: There is a difference between getting cold feet and being in the completely wrong relationship.

Marriage is a huge deal. Having second thoughts should be expected. It is a sign you understand the commitment you are about to make. But sometimes, those fears are your soul's way of screaming that something is seriously off.

For those considering getting married, here are some signs that you might want to rethink your decision.

• You don't want to become him or her

In 20 years, do you want to be like your spouse? You adopt the qualities of those you hang out with. You don't have to be crazy about all of his or her mannerisms and quirks, but a good partner means he or she is someone you want to become like.

• You're trying to convince yourself

Your partner could be a great person, but still something in you just can't quite settle on the idea of being with him or her. While logically you might feel like this person has everything you are looking for, there is still something not quite there. You keep trying to convince yourself this is the person you want to be with.

• It's hard to imagine a happy future

When you imagine your life married to him or her, does your future seem happy? Imagining a future with your love should make you excited and hopeful. If that's lacking, why on earth would you want to commit to this person forever?

• A miniature him or her makes you cringe

Children grow up to be like their parents. Is this the person you want your babies to turn out like? If not, it's time to call it quits.

• Uneasiness overshadows the good

Even in the wrong relationships, you'll have beautiful days. That's because this person is (most likely) someone you love. At one point in your life you picked this person above all the others you could have dated. But if the relationship is wrong, eventually the days filled with anxiety about the relationship will start monopolizing the majority of the days.

• Petty criticism

If you are normally a critical person, skip over this. However, for those who rarely criticize people either behind their back or to their face, and criticism toward your significant other starts sneaking in, it's like a huge waving red flag. Practice only looking for the good in him or her each day, but if the criticism keeps going, it might be your gut telling you something is not quite right.

• Dreams betray your feelings

Consistently dreaming about your significant other doing bad things might indicate how uneasy you actually are about the relationship. It's like a sneak peak into your subconscious' opinion on this whole thing. While your significant other probably won't ever act this way, a pattern of bad behavior in your dreams can represent the anxieties you're suppressing.

• You don't like yourself

The most important relationship within a relationship is with yourself. If you don't love yourself, you can't show the love necessary to a spouse in a marriage. Make sure this person brings out the best in you – someone you enjoy being around as well. After all, you're stuck with yourself forever.

• Your gut says no

Deep down, when you're completely honest with yourself, how do you feel about it? You can't deny your gut feeling. I say go with your gut, even when you feel like logically there is no explanation for how you feel.

7 questions to ask before you get married

Are you spending more time preparing for the wedding than the actual marriage?

Choosing a spouse is one of the most important decisions a person will ever make, so it's a decision that needs to be approached with a great deal of prayer and planning. Sadly, a lot of couples spend more time preparing for the wedding ceremony than they actually spend preparing for the marriage that will follow, and they are so excited about getting married, that they don't take enough time to consider if they actually marrying the right person for them.

There are thousands of questions you should consider before entering into a marriage, but to help you out, I've narrowed it down to a few of the most important ones. This is a checklist of seven questions I believe every person should ask before walking down the isle.

• 1. Do I like this person?

I know that this seems like a redundant question, but it's really not. I talk to many couples who say that they "love" each other, but when you get past all those romantic feelings, there's no friendship at the core of the relationship. Marry somebody that you love to hang out with. Without a strong friendship, I believe a marriage is destined for failure. Don't just marry somebody you love…marry somebody you like!

• 2. Am I attracted to more than their looks?

Physical attraction is definitely important, but looks are going to change. That hot girl or guy you're staring at now is going to look a whole lot different in 40 years! You need to make sure you're drawn to who that person is, not just how that person looks.

• 3. Do I want this person to be the father or mother of my kids?

Before you get married, you need to ask more than "Do I want my kids to look like this person?" You need to ask "Do I want my kids to BE like this person?"

• 4. Can I be myself around this person?

This is huge. If you feel like you have to be somebody else around your potential spouse, don't get married! There's nothing more exhausting than pretending to be someone or something you're not for somebody else's approval. Your spouse should bring out the best parts of who you are but never try to change who you are.

• 5. Does this person strengthen my faith?

As a Christian, I believe God's design for marriage is that a husband and wife come together with Christ in the Center. Without Him at the foundation, the marriage will eventually crumble. Marry someone who not only shares your faith but also strengthens your faith. Your spouse should bring you closer to Jesus, not drag you farther away.

• 6. Do the people who love me the most think we're a good match?

If your family and friends who love you the most don't think you're good for each other, then please look past your feelings and weigh carefully if you're marrying the right person. You need a spouse who is going to strengthen your family bonds, not put a huge strain on them. If your family loves your fiancee, that's a great sign! If they don't, seriously consider your next step.

• 7. Can I stay committed to this person No Matter What?

We live in a world where people like to quit anything the moment it gets difficult. The core of your marriage isn't feelings which change…it's commitment which never changes. When you say "I do" what you're really saying is "I Will." I will be here for you and with you through life's ups and downs.

If you can find someone who stands up to these questions and you can do the same for them, then I believe that you're on your way to "Happily Ever After!" Pray hard, plan well and say "I Do" with confidence and joy!