POLYGAMY IN THE BIBLE.

POLYGAMY.

Although many of the Old Testament characters had more than one wife, this may have been the result of Adam and Eve’s sin in the Garden of Eden. In marriage, the two become “one flesh”; the addition of a third person does not fit God’s original model. Whatever was allowed previously, the New Testament is very clear that Christians should not have more than one wife at a time (1 Corinthians 7:2). All Christians agree with this. Yet if a man had two or more wives before he became a believer, he should not abandon any of them, but care for them all (Exodus 21:10). However, Paul did not want a man who already had two or more wives at one to be chosen as a leader in the church (1Timothy 3:2, 12; Titus 1:6). A person who remarries after a spouse has died remains eligible for church leadership. According to the bible, both men and women are free to remarry after the death of a spouse.

It is clear that sexual relations with anyone except one’s own spouse are strictly forbidden for all Christians, whether the other  person is married, unmarried, or is only a prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:15). Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral (Hebrews 13:4).   

THE TOP 5 CHALLENGES OF MARRIAGE!

The wedding day is a single day. A marriage lasts a lifetime, and it is this difference that some couples don’t realize until the ceremony is over. Marriage is hard and tiring and frustrating and takes a lot of work to live happily ever after.

Your wedding day is one of the most exciting, exhausting, stressful days of your life. It’s the day you look forward to and plan around for months or, in some cases, years. In the movies, soap operas and wedding shows on TV screens, it’s the day when the bride’s dreams all come true and though the movie and wedding shows usually ends there, it gives the viewer the idea that the bride and groom lived happily ever after. The truth, however, is not quite so glamorous.

The first unwelcome surprise might come when the groom wakes up a few days after the wedding and realizes he’s out of clean clothes. The new wife might look around the kitchen and realize it’s messy, dirty and the pantry shelves are bare. Then the two start a polite discussion about whose job is it?  to do the dishes or run the laundry. The polite discussion might escalate into disagreement, which then might evolve into a full on argument, shouting and fist shaking optional. Suddenly, the new couple will realize that being married doesn’t mean they are now endowed with a perfect relationship forever.

The wedding day is a single day. A marriage lasts a lifetime, and it is this difference that some couples don’t realize until the ceremony is over. Marriage is hard and tiring and frustrating and takes a lot of work to live happily ever after. This is a heads up for those soon to be married, those who are newly married, and even those who have been married for a while and still feel like they are getting the hang of it (so basically, all married couples). The following are the top five challenges couples face.

1. The in-laws

This was the biggest surprise for me. Before marrying my sweetheart, I thought his mom was a kind, generous person who took a healthy interest in her son’s life. After we were married, I realized that her daily calls weren’t going to stop. And, I found that her way of running a household was vastly different from mine. Over the years, this has led to a number of disagreements and tense situations because much as I would like to give her a piece of my mind, I have to try to maintain a good relationship with her for the sake of my husband and my children. It is a guarantee that one or the other of you will find dealing with the in-laws to be challenging at times. If you are aware that this can be a trial ahead of time, you’ll be better able to deal with it when the time comes.

2. Financial decisions

You might have discussed your financial philosophies before marriage and think you’re on the same page, but the day will come when your husband comes home with a purchase that makes you shake your head in wonderment. “What can he have been thinking? We can’t afford that,” you’ll think in exasperation. Keep in mind that there might be times when he will think the same thing of your purchasing decisions. The key to this trial is to have open communication and to set reasonable goals for your spending habits.

3. Trading traditions

My parents’ first big fight of their marriage came four months after their wedding day. It wasn’t over money or chores or in-laws, it was over what kind of food should be taken for supper. My Dad believed Ugali is the in thing for supper but my Mom was comfortable with rice and juice-“bora kitu kishike tumbo”. My mom laughs about it now, but she said at the time it was a real problem for them. Coming up with family tradition is a challenge for some couples as you both come from different backgrounds with traditions that are equally important to each of you. Deciding what traditions you’ll incorporate into your lives and which will get the boot will require calm discussion and compromise.

4. Child-rearing

The entrance of a child into any couple’s life signals enormous changes into the marriage relationship. Children are needy, emotional and time-consuming. Rearing them takes a lot out of a husband and wife. On top of the sleepless nights and hormonal changes, the two of you might find you don’t agree on what the best ways are to raise your child. This is another discussion that is best undertaken prior to the arrival of the new baby, but can be done any time during the course of child rearing. Your philosophies or those of your spouse might change as the child grows and you learn more about parenting.

5. Career decisions

Another big trial in the marriage relationship has to do with bread-winning. If you both have careers, the challenge will be the perception of whose job is more important. If just one of you has a job, the one who stays at home will need to find some other means of fulfillment. Jobs sometimes require relocation, which can put stress on the relationship and disrupt children’s lives. Every career decision must be approached with care and consideration, including taking into account the wants and needs of every family member.

Don’t get me wrong, marriage might be challenging, but it is also beautiful and rewarding and has given me the happiest days of my life. But to make it last, you must be aware of the trials you might face so you can prepare to conquer them.

Again don’t get it twisted, GOD is LOVE and MARRIAGE is ordained.

Always remember the word of God as the compass pointer, “Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord, For the husband is the head of wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is tha savior Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, Love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her to make her Holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself…” (Ephesians 5:22ff). Be encouraged, stay blessed!

4 GIFTS FOR YOUR SPOUSE THAT WON'T COST MONEY

Let your actions speak louder than money. This article offers four suggestions for showing your spouse you care without buying lavish gifts.

Being a spouse and a parent is more than driving kids from one extracurricular activity to another and folding another batch of laundry. It is more than making dinner and packing lunches. It is hard work, sleepless nights, feelings of anxiety and stress and cuddles and hugs rolled into one.

Our spouse should be our best friend, our confidant, our companion. Unfortunately, they are also the ones that receive a lot of the harsh words, rude remarks and the snide comments. Whether you are a newlywed or have been married 20 or more years, your spouse deserves to know just how much you care and are grateful for all he or she does for you.

You don’t have to spend money to show your spouse how much you love and care. Your actions speak much louder than the money in your wallet. By showing your love on a regular basis, you will be able to create a much stronger and more stable marriage. Below are a few ways you can show your spouse love without showering him with expensive gifts.

Make a list

Sometimes all your partner needs, especially on those hard days, is a reminder of the good times. Remind your spouse of those tender memories by making a list of those moments you cherish most. Family vacations, holidays, rainy days, whatever it may be, share those moments with your spouse. Sometimes a walk down memory lane is the perfect way to say “I love you.”

Give him time

Time for yourself is hard to find, regardless of your family size. Provide time for your spouse to enjoy things he wants to do, whether it is go fishing, read a book or take a nap. A little time to himself may be exactly what he needs to rejuvenate.

Communicate

Communication is one of the best ways to show your spouse you truly do love him and are grateful for all he does for your family. Take time every day to sit down with your spouse and talk about your day. If your spouse asks you to do something, acknowledge that you heard what he said and you will get to the task when you have a spare minute. When you have poor communication, feelings of anger and frustration more easily surface. Strong communication is an easy way to keep a strong and happy marriage.

Work

There are many tasks you can do around your home to show your partner love. Perform some of her most dreaded chores such as folding the clothes or weeding the garden. Don’t be afraid to surprise your spouse by preparing and cleaning up after a meal. Work hard to take as much of a load off of your spouse as possible.

It is no secret that you and your spouse love one another, but your actions say a lot in how you value and cherish your spouse. Put a little extra work into your marriage and put your actions to good work. Show your spouse just how much your truly do care.

IS THIS ARGUING NORMAL OR DO WE NEED COUNSELING?

All couples fight. But that doesn't always mean you need to see a counselor. These tips will help you know whether you need to see a counselor or whether you're doing fine on your own.

I heard the other day that men and women have only a 5 percent difference in their genetic makeup. However, men and monkeys only have a 2 percent difference. This would mean that men have more in common with monkeys than with women.

I don't know whether that's true or not but one thing is that men and women really are fundamentally different. And not just anatomically, either. Because of these differences, men and women are just naturally going to have conflicts.

For example, my experience has shown me that men are much more action-oriented while women are more emotion-oriented. What I mean by this is that whenever there's a problem, men are much more likely to want to create a plan about how to solve it while women are much more likely to want to talk about it, discuss how it made them feel and look for an emotional connection during it. This in itself has caused more couples to come into my office than I can count.

Because of this single unique difference, women will usually complain that they don't feel like their spouse listens to them. Men will usually complain that their wife just wants to complain and doesn't ever do anything to get over it. Because men and women are different there are always conflicts that come up. Some of these conflicts are big and some of these are small. But how do you know if the conflicts you're having with your spouse are "normal" or if they are really causing problems in your relationship?

To answer this question, you need to ask yourself another question. "Is it OK with me?" In other words, instead of looking to an external source to tell you objectively whether you're having real problems or not, look inside yourself to see if you feel OK about the arguments you're having, and if you'd like to finally overcome some of them.

If you feel like your arguments are minor and you're able to shrug them off easily, then the arguments you're having are probably not causing a lot of damage. However, if you find yourself feeling bitter and bring up the same arguments over and over again, then a check-up with a relationship professional could help your relationship immeasurably.

Going to a professional doesn't mean that your relationship is in trouble, it only means that you would like your relationship to be better. By going to a professional and learning about you and your spouse's emotional and cognitive processes, you and your spouse could learn how to express your needs to each other and allow your spouse the opportunity to meet the needs you really want met. And there's nothing more electrifying and passionate than a relationship where both spouses are meeting each other's needs.