Choosing Your Flower Girls Dress.

Beautiful flower girl-Ahha Xababa.

If you have decided on a flower girl for your wedding, it is time to choose her dress, which can actually be a fun time for her and you. After all, next to the bride, the flower girl will be getting a lot of the oohs and ahhs.

When choosing a flower girl's dress, begin by checking out boutiques that specialize in children’s wedding wear. A regular wedding shop may be able to help, however usually these shops will only adjust adult measurements to fit a small child, which could cause the dress to look disproportionate to the child’s body frame.

Although the bride may already have a design in mind for choosing the flower girls dress, remember that the parents will be paying for it, unless otherwise arranged. Let the flower girls mom and the flower girl, herself give opinions to the dress you are looking at and be sure it is in a price range they can afford.

Remember to keep in mind that little girls grow fast, when choosing your flower girls dress. If you are ordering the dress six months in advance, you may want to add a few inches to the dress, which can then be altered the week before the wedding. Just like with any dress, it will be easier to take it in than adding material to a dress that is too small.

Little girls like to feel like princesses in their dresses. So consider a smaller make to your wedding gown when choosing a flower girls dress. Traditional flower girl dresses are usually white with full, ruffle skirts underneath to give them the bridal look. Flower accented dresses are also popular among flower girls. Use hoop slips to give them that princess look. Keep in mind the material you are selecting. A soft, silky feel will leave your flower girl less fidgety versus and rougher material that will make them itch and feeling uncomfortable.

When choosing your flower girls dress, do not forget to find matching accents for her hair. Decide if you want her hair up or down. With either, adding baby’s breath and ribbons will give her a beautiful look of enchantment. Also let her parents know what type of shoe you would like her to wear with her dress. If you choose a shorter dress, close toe or an open sandal, depending on the time of year, would be appropriate. If the dress is long and flowing, covering her feet, think about letting her wear white slippers. This will ensure her comfort and make the event more enjoyable for everyone.

Flower girls add a cute touch to any wedding. Let her carry a beautiful bouquet or throw flower pedals down the aisle as she walks, which is usually the tradition of her role. If the child you choose is too small to walk, decorate a red wagon in a lot of white lace and flowers and let an older child, or bridesmaid pull the wagon down the aisle.

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Common Marriage Problems – Neglect

Couples in trouble

It is so easy to work your life away, forget about your family, your partner and your relationship. People putting work before family is such a common marriage problem that seems to pop up time and time again.

Its ok for a while, your partner will understand that you need to put some time and effort into your career especially if it generates a good income but as time goes on and the W word pops up again and again, even if your partner enjoys the benefits of your efforts, all patience fades and the realization sets in that work is more important!!

I used to know a couple who spent most of their life apart. He worked nights and she worked days. She enjoyed spending the money that night shifts generated, loved new clothes, new cars and all the little luxuries a comfortable life style brings but hated her partner being tired when he was at home. They were between a rock and a hard place with him knowing that if he gave up nights bang went the luxuries and more than likely bye bye wife but if he carried on working nights and striving for promotion he was dead in the water anyway. What a choice. Needless to say they never reached a compromise, she wasn’t willing to wait for the promotion and a return to day shifts, so they are no longer married.

Working excessively long hours, travelling a lot and constantly leading separate lives is bound to put a strain on your relationship and it has proven to be a real relationship killer, a common marriage problem that is prolific in the career society. Just look at the number people that are addicted to long unsociable working hours and then see how many of them are still married.

I have only ever met a handful of couples who are truly comfortable with, at best, a weekend relationship and these are couples that have learned and are happy to live independent lives. The problem in their relationships will come when the long hours and travelling comes to an end and they have to learn to live with each other 24/7.

How many partners spend their whole life at work, rarely seeing their children and having little time for their spouse? Their partners so often feel neglected, crave adult company, and as time goes on, the neglected partner’s cries go on ignored the relationship begins to wither and fade and the couple tend to grow apart.

When children are involved it is even more difficult with just one partner having to make sure they are around. That they are the ones there in the mornings and there in the evenings and that they alone have to revolve their whole lives around children and school. Again this pressure on one partner is all too common, a marriage problem that seems to be ignored by spouses who tend to avoid their responsibilities under the misguided understanding that their partners can and are happy to cope.

Those early years, when your children are growing up are very special and are years that can never be recaptured. They aren’t years that should just pass you by at your desk under the false impression that next time your child wants you it will be different, you just need to clear this project and then the next and then the next… It’s never any different.

Children struggle with the concept of work being more important than them and what is going on in their lives. They are too young to understand the concept that their parent is just short sighted, perhaps confused as to what should take priority in their lives. Money doesn’t mean much to a child.

When work takes over your life, no matter what you best intentions are, if your vision isn’t understand and accepted by your family and they aren’t 100% behind you all of the way they will learn to resent the time you spend at your desk rather than with them. They will feel abandoned, unwanted and unloved.

If you want to revolve your life around a work driven environment you must make sure that that your partner has the same all-consuming driving ambition. If either one in a relationship feels that work has taken over the family life it is time to sit down and discuss what is important in to you both. Consider the issues, understand the feelings on both sides, think about the children and work out what is best for the individuals, the relationship and the family as a whole.

Catch this common marriage problem before it develops into something more serious don’t loose your family over something you probably will learn to regret, save your marriage before it’s too late.

How Do You Find the Best Wedding Present Ideas?

 

Best wedding present idea.

Wedding presents are intended to be extraordinary, and they're intended to be enjoyable. Numerous weddings are (regularly) a long way from serious events similar to a festival of the couple and individuals that they love the most.

What would it be advisable for you to be searching for when you get a present for your companions? Or then again how might you discover presents for your wedding gathering, guardians, and others engaged with your wedding? Here are a few inquiries to pose as you start your quest for wedding blessing thoughts.

What are two or three's preferences?

Everybody has things that they like and hate, and that is truly imperative to think about when you're assembling a rundown with the endowments that you need to provide for individuals. In case you're welcome to your wedding, you probably know them alright to have the option to decide this.

Knowing what it is that couples like and aversion can make it that a lot simpler to really select what it is that they'll adore and love for quite a long time to come.

Would it be able to be customized?

In case you're getting something high quality or remarkable, you need to check whether it can really be customized for them. Customized endowments are amazingly extraordinary and they can truly check the event such that they'll recall.

Attempt to be aware of things like spelling, who is changing their name to what, and how they intend to be tended to. On the off chance that you need to ask them, feel free to ask them! They'd prefer you get it right on the item than be left with something that is wrong.

Does it go with the subject of their wedding?

Now and again, it's enjoyable to get something exceptional that goes with the subject, particularly in case you're the lady of the hour or potentially husband to be and you're assembling presents for your wedding party. It turns into a truly exceptional memento that permits your friends and family to take a gander at it and recollect precisely what your festival resembled.

Couples appreciate things that go with their subject too. For instance, assuming a couple has a luau subject for their uncommon day, consider getting them some pleasant things – like mats or divider workmanship – that use that topic too. They'll recollect when they got it!

Is it something that they need (or like something that they need)?

Take a gander at their vault, in the event that they have assembled one. Assuming they have, you need to be certain that you peruse it and see what kinds of things that they have requested. At times, you might have the option to get something almost identical to what's on their library. For instance, on the off chance that they need a cheddar board, cutting board, or wine glasses, you might have the option to get customized alternatives, or ones with a pleasant plan they'll appreciate.

Try not to be reluctant to adhere to the vault.

A few group get apprehensive about utilizing a wedding vault to buy endowments. The truth of the matter is, the cheerful couple set up this is on the grounds that they need or need the things on that rundown. Thus, on the off chance that you adhere to the library, you're not being uncreative – you're simply keeping things basic and getting them what they need and need. You can likewise get them a gift voucher for one of the spots that they have a library!

Search for quality, consistently.

You never need to go modest with regards to assembling blessing thoughts. The truth of the matter is, there are a wide range of spots that you can go to track down the ideal alternatives for gifting. While you can generally get something "for a take" in a manner of speaking, you generally need to be certain that those things are excellent. 

10 lovely words to tell a pregnant woman.

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Pregnant woman in marriage.

1. "You make pregnancy look easy."
2. "That’s the perfect bump I have ever seen."
3. "Being pregnant suits you."
4. "You’re glowing."
5. "You look great."
6. "You are adorable."
   
7. "You are all Belly."
8. "There is no way this baby is number three."
9. “Congratulations.”
10. “You’re the most beautiful pregnant woman I’ve ever seen”

Now that we’ve cleared that up, keep these 10 compliments in mind the next time you see a pregnant lady on the street.

Point to note: Here are a few examples of what NOT to say to a pregnant woman you meet: “You look like you are having twins,” “Are you overdue,” Guess it’s going to be any day now.”

Add more words and see the following link "Got caught, childing" on you-tube and subscribe at https://youtu.be/cFuaaBJ2gfc

We welcome your feedback.

Christian Sex – 7 Barriers to Fulfilling Married Sexuality.

Many Christian married couples have yet to experience a fulfilling sexuality. Yet, it is an essential ingredient for a vital Christian marriage. 

Couples making love.

Here are 7 barriers to a fun and fulfilling lovemaking for Christian married couples

1. Not knowing what God says about sex.

The first commandment God gave was to engage in sex (Genesis 1: 27-28.) God had just created humanity in His image, commanded them to be fruitful and multiply, and then commented it was good (Genesis 1:31.) Somehow, it seems like this was a priority for Adam and Eve.

2. Talking very little with your spouse about sexuality or your preferences.

When couples can share with their spouse about sexuality or their sexual preferences, intimacy is created. An emotional bond results from the intimate level of vulnerability on a conversational level. A great place to start talking about sex is to share what lovemaking means to you emotionally, how frequent you would like to have sex, and even times of the day or specific days.

3. Engaging out of obligation, rather than enjoyment.

Many believe sex was solely intended for procreation, rather than recreation. To the contrary, the poetic references in the Song of Solomon describe lovemaking that is enjoyable and anticipated. Feel free to have some fun with sex with different positions and places. However, all must be with respect for your spouse’s considerations. I Corinthians 1:4 states that our bodies belong to our mates, not just us. It is written from a spirit of equality, where both spouses are to serve one another, rather than one controlling the other. For one spouse to force the other into sexual behaviors without consent is abusive.

4 Failure to plan.

Many couples, Christians especially, are sexually frustrated. While some of this may be attributed to different sexual appetites, much more is a result of infrequency. Sex is never convenient, but is critical to a vital relationship. Plan for sex like you would any other appointment. Rather than thinking of this as stale, consider that it allows you and your spouse time to plan for the special time together. Planning also alleviates any concerns for sexual deprivation and sexual pressure.

5. Using sex as a reward or punishment.

Sex is often used as a reward for some positive behavior. Or it can be withheld when one spouse is angry with the other. Couples sabotage themselves when their sex life becomes a bartering system. Because of its vulnerability, lovemaking must be unconditional to be meaningful. Find other ways to thank your spouse, and healthy ways to overcome your resentments. 

6. Unresolved sexual abuse issues. 

Sexual abuse issues follow spouses into marriage. Victims of sexual abuse may have an aversion to lovemaking, or experience painful reminders of the past. For some, there may be a distortion of healthy sexuality. If you have been wounded from sexual abuse, realize that you did nothing to deserve this. Furthermore, there is hope. I encourage you to find a counselor that specializes in this area, and begin the road to recovery. It is one thing to survive sexual abuse, and another to overcome it.

 7. Pornography.

The most significant destructive force to a healthy sex life is pornography. And yes, I am talking about Christian marriages. Images are burned into a persons mind, thereby creating an insatiable thirst for more erotic behavior, or harmful behaviors. Some couples have stated the use of pornography enhances their sex life. I disagree. Not only is it degrading, but it fosters empty relationships by focusing on the physical rather than love. If your marriage has been affected by pornography, find a qualified counselor to help you rebuild the intimacy in your marriage.

In my experience as a Christian counselor, a lot of confusion exists amongst married couples regarding a healthy Christian sex life. The reality is that God has given sex as a gift for married couples to embrace rather than tolerate, or misuse. So much of today’s culture promotes a contaminated view of sex. As Christians, lets change our culture by strengthening our marriages with a healthy Christian sexuality.

How to win love back.

Katerina Holmes-Courtesy Pexel.

Learning how to win love back may be able to reignite a burned out relationship. 

Love is a truly fickle emotion that can burn out just as quickly and suddenly as it was originally ignited. 

When outside factors, such as money for example, create stress in a relationship that love is most at risk. Once relationship problems become an issue, love can quickly deteriorate with no resolution in sight. Here are some basic strategies that will show you how to win love back:

* Be Honest – Distrust is one of the leading causes of problems in a relationship. It is extremely important that you are honest with your partner on every possible level, even in situations where the truth is painful. This means that you need to be upfront with things that are bothering you, and you also need to be open about every day activities like finances and how you are doing at work. No one likes to feel like they constantly have to watch over their significant other, so if you want to learn how to win love back, you need to make a commitment to honesty.

* Be Encouraging – Love is all about appreciating one another for who you are and this is a big step in learning how to win love back. Your partner may have different goals and interests than you. The key is to embrace them even if you do not agree with them, and support them with all of your heart. Encourage growth in your partner’s interests, and you will be promoting growth in your relationship.

* Be Dependable – Being dependable is an important part of rebuilding trust with your partner, and learning how to win love back. When you want to learn how to win love back, you need to learn how to follow through with the promises that you make, and you need to make an effort to be on time with the appointments that you make.

* Listen Actively – Communication is one of the most vital ingredients in every healthy relationship, so if you want to learn how to win love back, you need to learn how to communicate more effectively. Not only does this mean that you need to learn how to speak better, but also learning how to listen better as well. This is one of the true keys to learning how to win love back, and no relationship is solid without healthy and proactive communication.

* Act! – Keep in mind that all relationships have ups and downs, even the best ones. If you want to learn how to win love back, you need to be willing to learn how to take action and repair the problems in our relationship. You cannot simply sit back and wait for the relationship problems to go away on their own, as this will make your partner feel alienated more than anything. So if you are ready to learn how to win love back, take the aforementioned advice to heart and take action once and for all.

Why Let Financial Problems Ruin Your Marriage Is money so hard to understand?

RODNAE Productions.

Financial problems in a marriage are definitely a true relationship killer and one of the most common marriage problems that unnecessarily result in divorce.

Money matters are quite simple when you think about it. You can either afford something or you can’t and, if you can’t you have two choices, either stop spending money elsewhere or earn more money.

I’m looking for a new car at the moment which has really got me thinking about the number of people who fund such purchases on finance then struggle to make the repayments. Now I can understand the need for a car and that people aren’t always in the position to buy such an expensive item out right, but what does amaze me is the type of vehicles that people buy on finance.

One of my best friends always buys cars on credit and not any old car, cars such as range rovers, and Mercedes and yet struggles to make monthly loan repayments let alone fund the financing on the car. As a family they look at us and envy the fact that we don’t have to worry when an unexpected bill comes in or if we want something we can just go out and buy it without any concern. That’s because we follow the main golden rule for avoiding financial problems in a marriage, we never spend what we haven’t got and we don’t waste money on unnecessary interest repayments.

It’s quite a simple concept really, if we want something that isn’t critical we wait for it, we only buy what we can afford. If we needed to take out finance for a car we would buy something that would do the job but not a luxury vehicle. Have you ever seen how many luxury cars are repossessed and go through the auctions? What a waste, just look at what is lost in the initial deposit and interest and then the cars lost and sold for peanuts to more the financially astute.

Anyway, back to my friends, there marriage is always under strain because financial problems are continually at the forethought of their minds. They never know from one month to another how they will fund the next mortgage payment or car repayment. Petty things get blown out of perspective because stress levels run high which all stems from the financial problems in the marriage. They get upset with each other and yet they are both to blame, they both want what they can’t afford and even though they earn far more than most, with every penny they earn their expectations increase, their spending increases and the financial problems continue.

So many couples let themselves into financial problems just because they choose to ignore money issues, expect them to disappear, resolve themselves without any effort but, just like any other marriage problem financial issues need to be addressed, nipped in the bud before they become out of hand.

Fighting isn’t the answer, arguing doesn’t solve anything and it certainly doesn’t address the real cause of the problem which is all down to supply and demand. In doesn’t really matter how the original problem occurred, why money is now short and why bills cant be paid and generally the fault doesnt tend to lie with one person, the question is how soon are you both going to face up to the issue, get your head out of the clouds and start doing something about it.

I was speaking to a friend the other night and he was fighting an issue from a totally different corner from his wife to be, forgetting the whole concept that marriage is all down to team work, working together to resolve anything that life throws at you. When you loose focus, fail to see what really matters in life, start arguing and fighting against each other rather than working together to sort such issues out you start to chip away at the very foundations of what could be a solid relationship.

No matter how your financial problems in your marriage developed, blissful ignorance, loan money happy, making an important financial decision without discussing it or just spending too much every week, you have to now sit down together, focus on the issue at hand, forget what has happened in the past, how you got into the situation in the first place and put all your time and energy into sorting it out.

Don’t blame anyone, don’t go looking for a fight just sit down, detail your spending, detail your earnings and then work out how you close the gap. Support each other through the process, work together towards the same goal which is to learn to live within your means whether that be through working more hours, retraining for a higher paid job, finding opportunities to earn extra cash from home or just accepting you are living outside your means and working out how you can spend less. Don’t let financial problems cloud your marriage, sort them out before you destroy something very special and live to regret it.

Give us your feedback and remember to subscribe to this blog. Stay blessed!

When Stresses in Your Marriage Take Their Toll.

Keira Burton.

What do you do when the stresses of your marriage start to become a problem? 

Many couples get mad and argue at one another. This will not do anything except make the problem worse. As a result, here are some ways to deal with your stresses in your marriage.

Talk with your spouse on a daily basis. Communication with one another will prevent any misunderstandings on certain issues. When a problem does come up, discuss your feelings and viewpoints to the other person. Don’t assume that the other person knows how you feel.

Do not take anything for granted in your marriage. Small misunderstandings can become bigger problems in the future. Keep a look out for any red flags in your marriage and confront them before they become bigger issues.

Work with one another. Being in a marriage is like being on a team. Each member must do his or her own part. One person cannot do everything. Work with your spouse in maintaining your marriage.

Try to see things in your spouse’s point of view. This will help you to see where the other person is coming from which will increase your understanding of the situation. Don’t assume that you are the one who has all the answers.

Seek the services of a marriage counselor if you can’t resolve your problems. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. Maintaining a marriage is very difficult so it is important to get additional advice from an experienced professional. Many people seek the services of a marriage counselor nowadays.

Marriage requires a lot of work, however the most important thing is to talk with one another on a regular basis and to confront problems before they become major obstacles in your marriage. This will help reduce a lot of your stresses in your marriage.

Here's How Long You Should Date Before Getting Engaged.

How soon is too soon?

Pavel Danilyk

You are absolutely, mind-blowingly, heart-meltingly in love, but there's just a small problem. You've only known the person for a few months or maybe only a few weeks. You're both hearing wedding bells, but that's crazy, right? Your brain tells you that you need to wait, but your heart… your heart wants to move faster so can start your forever. So, are you love drunk, or is your heart telling you a deeper truth? How soon is too soon to propose? and...

How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged?

This might not come as a shock, but there's no definition of what's "normal" when it comes to the question of "how long should you date before getting married?" Answers can vary from decades of dating to four days (wow!). Even though everyone—your parents and extended family members and friends—will have an opinion on the matter, from "You're jumping in too quickly!" to "It took him way too long to propose—are you sure?" there isn't a magic formula. Only you can know when you're ready to take the next step.

Give Yourself Time to Know Your Partner Through the Good Times and the Bad…

Some suggests that one to two years is often a good amount of time to date before getting engaged. I've worked with a lot of couples who have strong relationships, and they met and fell in love quickly and really got to know each other's friends and family," They got to experience what it's like to live with each other or spend a lot of time with each other, go through some life cycle issues, like the loss of a family member or the loss of a friendship, or going to a wedding or funeral and really getting to see each other in a lot of different contexts and feel like it's a good match. And generally, that can happen in a year...

You want to have some problems emerge and see how you deal with problems together. For me, it's more about the range of experiences that lend themselves to compatibility rather than the amount of time.

As you wonder if it's too soon to start talking about marriage with your partner, think about all the experiences you've shared. Have you faced major life challenges together? Have you seen them at their highest and their lowest? Have you had the time to learn about their family and background? Do you know their strengths and their flaws? There is no set time limit to gain this experience.

You can learn a lot about a person quickly, especially if you spend a lot of time together. Alternately, you can date someone for months and years and barely dig beneath their surface.

How Well Do You Communicate?

While each couple's situation is different, it's most important to learn how to communicate when you have a conflict, rather than focus on the time frame. Many couples wait until they are ready to have children, or ready to own property before they marry, there is no 'normal.'

Partners may have an implicit expectation of the length of an engagement that is based on their family, their culture and their community. Sometimes this is different for each partner, and if it is not significantly discussed in a very explicit way, it can lead to misunderstandings. If you're wondering how soon is too soon to propose, take a step back and make sure you and your partner have had those important conversations. You'll want to know your partner's expectations for your relationship. Now might also be a good time to discuss whether you want to have children, how you both deal with money and what you both want for your future.

Are You Past the "Romantic Love" Phase?

One thing to consider if you worry that your relationship is moving too fast is that you might still be in that initial lovey-dovey phase. You know what we're talking about. It's when you can't erase that goofy grin off your face, when every single thing your partner does is perfect and magical at the same time. There is no magic time frame when a couple should date before the engagement, but the rule for any happy and successful marriage is to realize this—all couples go through a 'romantic love' phase. This lasts anywhere from 2 days to 26 months, and then the couple will enter into the power struggle or the conflict phase of their relationship. This is natural and probably will last the rest of your marriage, or forever (the bad news). The good news—with conscious communication and planning, a successful marriage means that conflict is inevitable (it has absolutely no reflection on whether or not you are in a marriage that will last), but how you repair your conflict is much more important. 

Whether you are engaged, living together or married, work on healing your conflicts, create healthy communication and your relationship will last for the rest of your life together." So really, it doesn't matter whether you waited five years or five months to get engaged. When it comes to the question of how long should you date before getting engaged, the most important part is that you're confidently committed to one another. 

Do you agree or disagree? Give us your feedback at ndoatakatifu@gmail.com

Tips For creating a Successful Marriage – Share Your Dreams And Goals.

 

Lucxama and Sylvain

A marriage is never static. The two people, who make up the marital relationship, move on in their journey together through various stages of growth. Both as a couple and as individuals. This marital growth requires a great deal of commitment, trust, effort and reciprocity. Healthy and well-built marriages do not happen by chance, they are created by a lot of hard work.

The basic element of being one in marriage is companionship. Like friends, couples need to be open with each other about their interests, dreams and goals.

It is difficult for a married couple to deal with certain problems when there are no common goals established. Goals enable the couple to realize that they are not competing against each other, and help them to work together and support one another.

Married couples should cooperate and work towards these dreams and goals with all dedication and devotion. Do not give up if you and your spouse’s goals appear to be too different. Talk and recognize that you both have needs, and try to set goals that will enable both sets of needs to be satisfied. Often, as you share your dreams, you will discover that in fact you both have similar dreams and goals; it was just the direction that you each wanted to take was different. This difference of direction can then be dealt with as you talk.

Often when you take time to communicate with each other regarding your needs and motivations, you will be surprised to learn that you both have identical dreams and goals. This is likely to be what drew you together in the first place.

So what types of goals should you set? Goals can center on your children, the family as a whole, your individual careers, your possessions and your pastimes.

The following are guidelines to better understand and relate with your partner’s goals:

1. Know your spouse. Pay close attention to his or her habits and values.

2. Bond and respond. Whatever that goes on within your spouses life, in his/her career, you know that there are dreams and goals in each aspect. So be sensitive and take part; worry and celebrate in his/her accomplishments.

3. Let your spouse influence you. Be willing to share in his/her decisions. Understand his/her goals and when you do not agree at some point, at least support him or her…

4. Compromise. When your goals do not exactly match, know when to put the brakes if you feel that the conversation is becoming confrontational. Be calm and tolerant.

When you both have strong appreciation and understanding of all your dreams and goals you become closer together as a married couple, it makes married life a lot more pleasant and easier to handle. After all, you are partners in life.

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Welcome to Married Life-Time To Party.

 

Photo by Louis Quintero-Pexel

On the off chance that you've gotten past the wedding arranging and the big day easily (no quip proposed), at that point you're as of now on your way to an effective marriage. Marriage takes responsibility, bargain, and patience all of the things that you have expected to design an excellent wedding.

Here are a couple of definite words:

Have some good times.

At the point when everything comes down to it, your wedding should be a festival of you as a team. Disregard what the cake resembles; if its shaky, take pictures from an alternate point. On the off chance that the disk jockey is playing terrible music or the band is off key, what difference does it make?

Dance like a numb-skull with your nieces and nephews. Hit the dance floor with your mother or your father. Let free a little and quit stressing over what your hair resembles.

Have a great time. Simply be with and make the most of your new companion, family, and friends this is a gathering for your new coexistence, not a trial of your wedding arranging abilities.

Something consistently turns out badly at a wedding, so ride with it and manage it all that can be expected. In the event that it cannot be fixed most times nobody will take note.

Eat a little.

Something that couples forget on their big day is to have something to eat. Obviously, this implies that they should set aside some effort for themselves to plunk down and relax and why not? Require only fifteen minutes to have a little something to snack on. You’ll have much more energy to move until sunrise and more padding in your stomach for any great drinks that you may devour.

Converse with your family.

This might be one of only a handful multiple times that your whole family is together for a cheerful event. Go for an opportunity to stroll around and converse with everybody. Express gratitude toward them for coming and get some information about themselves. They most likely have wedding stories that they can impart to you also. Fortune this time you have together. Grin After the entirety of the pressure and the uproar, you are at long last at where you can loosen up a bit. Grin for the camera, grin for your companions, grin in light of the fact that you’re glad. Simply grin. There’s no compelling reason to keep down anything for being appropriate or grave. Grave is for memorial services. This is your opportunity to celebrate in being hitched.

Congrats!

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Stay Blessed!

My wedding Lit up a BFF Breakup.

 

"Planning a wedding can be an emotional night mare for your friendships."

Picture by Alexandr Podvalny-Pexel.

It’s New Year's Eve and I'm engaged! The first number I dial is my BFF, whom I've known since my Nursery and Primary School where we bonded over a love of eating out together and terrible passion for Church choir and praise n worship. And out of every relative and friend, I was most excited to tell her the news. Although we lived in different estates, we spoke on the phone every day, sent valentine’s presents every February and even went out for visits in Mombasa once a year. I didn’t have many friends growing up, and I lost the only sister when I was 14. My best friend was the only child in her family and didn't have many friends either. But we had each other.

And I thought my best friend forever is supposed to be my pillar through the hectic and exciting process of planning my wedding. After all, that's why we call them BFFs. Fast-forward three months and our friendship was over.

Have you ever experienced this? Inauma sana!

GOD’S MISSION FOR THE FAMILY.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexel.

The image of God in my household begins with me:

1. Reflect the harmony of the Godhead.

2. Reflect the Heart of the covenant of God.

3. Reflect the Holiness of God’s Image as earth keepers.

Reflect the harmony of the Godhead.

The first family was put together against the back drop of cosmic rebellion and chaos. “Let us” is the language of harmony. Male and female were created to express and experience this harmony.

What is this harmony in the Godhead?

He exists as one God in three persons- each person uncreated, eternal, equal and fully God.

Three persons exist in relationship roles as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This models headship and submission in equality and harmony. (perichoresis)

When sin entered the world, it ruined the harmony of marriage not because it brought headship and submission into existence, but because it twisted man’s humble, loving headship toward hostile domination in some men and lazy indifference in others. And it twisted woman’s intelligent, willing, happy, creative, articulate submission toward manipulative obsequiousness in some women and brazen insubordination in others. Sin didn’t create headship and submission; it ruined them and distorted them and made them ugly and destructive. – John Piper

Reflect the Heart of the covenant.

God’s original goal is to have godly offspring to reproduce faithfulness and in order to do that we have to model godliness. We have to model covenant not contract love.

A covenant says:

We will help each other more like Christ, we will hold each other accountable for our vows as long as we both shall live not as long as we both shall love changes “I DO” to “WE CAN” with God’s help.

There is a sea of uncertainty in our culture but when you are a covenant keeper an a vow maker, you create a hand in your own future of making something predictable and that is your response to whatever is brought your way.

Reflect the Holiness of God’s image as Earth keepers.

Life and order is the stamp of holiness, of health of wholeness.

People learn better when they are surrounded by tidiness, cleanliness, order and beauty. –Paul Kohls

Scripture references:

‘Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ’. -Ephesians 5:21,

‘Then God said, “Let us make man in our own image, after our likeness…”’Genesis 1:26,

Did he not make them one, with a portion of spirit in their union? And what was one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth -Malachi 2:15,

But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them…even as the son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many -Matthew 20:25,28,

‘And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food,’ - Genesis 1:29.

 

Why Aren’t YOU Using This Marriage Saving Tip?

Couples argue in the street.

Do you find that things would just be so much easier if your spouse would do things your way? Most of the time, this just isn’t the case.

So you married your complete opposite, your relationship is stressful and the two of you can’t even agree on what to have for dinner. Does this mean that for the rest of your life, you are subject to the painful battle of fighting over your way vs. his/her way unless one of you gives in?

No! There is no need to argue over who does what which way. And most importantly, neither of you need to change who you are.

You’re about to learn the single most important marriage saving tip that can drastically lower your stress with your spouse. If you understand what you and your spouse value in life, you can cut your relationship stress in half! (Like I did with MY wife!) It’s true.

I developed this marriage saving tip after using it to transform my OWN marriage. My 7-year marriage is PROOF that this marriage saving tip can work for YOUR marriage!

Okay, let’s get started.

The first thing you need to do is talk with your spouse about the things you passionately believe in or feel strongly against.

You can start by discussing the little things in life that bug you (and no, I’m NOT talking about your spouse!)

Let me give you an example.

My wife absolutely HATES gum chewing. Now I’m not talking about people who silently chew their gum with their mouths closed, I’m talking about people who, when they pop a piece of gum in their mouth, EVERYONE knows it.

They pop their gum, smack and chew with their mouths wide open. Yes, I know it sounds trivial, but it absolutely drives her NUTS.

Now, if I didn’t know WHY this little pet peeve of hers drives her ‘up the wall’, I would simply think she’s crazy. I might even start becoming annoyed and aggravated whenever she starts to verbally attack the nearest irritating gum chewer.

Now here’s the part of this marriage saving tip that most people are not aware of,

EVERY one of your pet peeves, habits or BELIEFS are created by a memory or event from the past.

Take my wife for example.

The reason she despises people who pop and crack their gum is because HER MOTHER would do it without any regard for her feelings throughout her ENTIRE childhood.

My wife hated it THEN and she still hates gum chewing TODAY. It simply brings back too many painful memories. To her, a gum chewer might as well be scratching nails on a chalkboard or screeching a fork against a plate.

The main idea you should walk away with from this marriage saving tip is that you need to discuss with your spouse WHY you do things a certain way, WHY you hate certain things and WHY you love other things.

NOTE: Be sure to talk about the ‘problem areas’ in your marriage. That IS the point of this discussion after all. Give your spouse your perspective on ‘hot topics’ in your marriage which could be anything from punctuality, family values, religion, eating habits or even personal privacy.

Ask your spouse questions and have them do the same.

Ask questions like

1. Honey, when you were young, did your mother or father have a problem being on time?

2. What happened in your childhood that makes you hate clutter and messes so much?

WARNING: Don’t make this sound like an accusation! If you do, your positive discussion will be over!

When you ask your spouse these questions, s/he will probably struggle for words or not come up with an immediate explanation for WHY he or she does these things.

And that’s okay.

Try to jog his/her memory by recalling your own memories about this subject.

For example:

The reason I __ (fill in the blank) __ is because my parents __ (fill in the blank) ____ when I was a child.

Remember: You and your spouse were shown how to live by your parents or guardians. They shaped most of what you value and believe in today.

The point of this discussion is to understand WHY the two of you disagree on any given topic.

This will help the two of you accept each other because you’ll no longer feel threatened by your very different values in life.

So there you have it.

Use this marriage saving tip to get to the source of your problems instead of focusing on the ‘little issues’ (like gum chewing).

If you don’t know which values are causing conflict in your marriage, you’ll never be able to truly resolve your disagreements.

When I finally understood WHY my wife’s values were so different from my own, the stress in my marriage was DRASTICALLY reduced. I know you’ll find the same to be true when you put this marriage saving tip to use in your own marriage.

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11 Tips for The Matrimonially-Challenged.

Ahhh, jumping the broom. It’s not for everyone, but it’s manageable if you have the right information. I was completely caught off guard by some of the situations I’ve encountered in nearly eleven years of holy matrimony and if you’re not prepared, you’ll be running full speed ahead back to the single life. Fortunately, my husband and I loved each other enough to pull our family together and live happily ever after.

You say you want happily ever after also? Well, I submit to you a list of valuable lessons I’ve learned throughout the years. Of course, I can’t really promise you eternal love, but a few of these tips will save you from unnecessary suffering, guaranteed.

1. Be crowned the king/queen of two-timing BEFORE you commit.

In other words, it’s so much easier to play the field while you’re single, instead of getting married and deciding you want to see a whole lot of other people. Seems like this would be easy to figure out, right? Well, apparently it’s not. Some people don’t realize the big mess they’ve created until its way too late and they’re unable to come back from it. Can you say: Alimony, monthly child-support payments and a second job to support yourself? Not to mention various sexually transmitted diseases, some fatal.

2. Marry someone you are also friends with.

Declare to spend the rest of your life with someone who really likes you as a person, not just as a sexual partner. Sometimes, sex will be nonexistent for short periods of time (pregnancy, illness). If you and your better half like each other, as well as love each other, the foundation that was built on friendship will be more than enough to get you through those rough patches. Besides, being best friends with your spouse makes marriage so much more fun!

3. Don’t put your spouse on a pedestal.

Everyone makes mistakes, so leave room for plenty of them. If you’re looking for the perfect spouse and marriage you’re probably living in a fantasy world. Simple rules apply in our vows, but we all act a little human sometimes and vows become the hardest thing in the world to stick to. This is to be expected, so try not to come down too hard on your other half for not being a saint at all times and the two of you will be just fine.

4. Leave the past in the past Geez.

Are you still nagging about all those awful things that happened three years ago? Get over it. No one wants to hear the remix of how much of a jackass they used to be, especially when you all agreed to work it out and things are going great. If you just can’t stop bringing it up every five minutes, maybe it’s time to seek counseling. Otherwise, concentrate on the good things and push forward.

5. Put your spouse and children first.

Nothing is going to send you to divorce court faster than in-law drama. I know you want everyone to get along, but understand that you are not responsible for your mother, father or sibling’s happiness. Your main responsibility is to keep your house in order. If your parents and siblings can’t get with the program, be prepared to take a hiatus from them until they have learned to respect you and your mate. If something in them forbids them to do so, stay true to the one who really matters and that should be you. If you truly want a successful marriage, sometimes you have to learn to love from a distance.

6. Never disrespect your home

You already know your family hates your husband/wife, so stop going to them and talking behind his or her back whenever you two have an argument. One, it just makes your family loathe your spouse even more and two, your marriage is on the wrong track if you’re pouring salt on your significant other. Also, keep your house a home by not having the wrong people coming and going. This is bad for any relationship, married or not. Keep the drama queen/king out of your house, they’re only looking to start trouble.

7. Keep marital advice from someone who isn’t married to a minimum.

Realistically, you probably shouldn’t take marital advice from someone who has never been married, just like you probably shouldn’t take childrearing advice from someone who doesn’t have kids. I know it sounds a little harsh, but it makes sense. Would you take flight instruction from someone who has never even had flight training? I wouldn’t. In my experience, my unmarried friends have never said anything that could help my marriage. (Sorry guys, I know you tried, but…) Personally, I like to seek advice from older, experienced couples. There is no better way to prepare for marital warfare, than to get guidance from someone who has already been in combat and survived.

8. Support your husband or wife’s endeavors.

Why do you shoot down every idea your sweetie comes up with? Will it really kill you to be supportive for once? No one will exist on a single thought for the rest of their lives. Realize that people grow and with growth comes change. It’s understandable your spouse has aspirations outside of going to work and paying bills. Is your opposing attitude holding him back from starting that small business? Are you laughing her away from her dream of becoming an actress? Be supportive of your life companions dreams because if it works out for them, it will really work out for you.

9. Keep passion alive!

She used to wear sexy boy shorts while the two of you were dating, but since you’ve been married and had two children all she’s worn to bed are her gigantic granny bloomers. He used to say something flattering to you every day, but now he barely notices you. These are common complaints and it can wreak havoc in a marriage. Life is busy and we all get weary from our day-to-day affairs, but just remember to take a little time out to spoil your spouse every once in a while. Let them know that you haven’t forgotten about them and you appreciate all of their efforts. Show them that you are still the person they fell in love with even though life can get in the way. Your partner will surely return the favor.

10. Communicate often.

Talk to your spouse everyday about something other than the kids, the house, and the bills. Even if you don’t spend a lot of time in the house together, a cell phone will solve that problem. Be sure to get some time to yourselves; go out on a date every once in a while or just snuggle on the couch and talk about constructive things. In my opinion, communication is the key to a successful marriage. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who won’t even talk? Who wants to have a disagreement, but not be able to discuss it intelligently? I’m a huge fan of heated discussions. At least we’re communicating; not going in a room, slamming the door and stewing for hours. Let’s hash it out, get it over with and make up. And who doesn’t like making up? Wink.

Don’t forget to:

11. Pray! Pray every day for your marriage, your home and children.

Prayer can bring reassurance and ease your mind when things go haywire. Do you know what would be even better? Pray together. You already know the saying, the family that prays together, stays together!